


A Candle for You

by Kdledga



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Foreplay, Oral Sex, Romance, Rough Sex, canon-divergent, friendships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:18:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7249870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kdledga/pseuds/Kdledga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The return of an ancient and devastating race looms over the crew of the SSV Normandy. With Saren Arterius at the helm of this threat, Commander Shepard finds herself hell-bent on catching the rogue Spectre before he succeeds in finding the conduit. </p><p>Although she carries the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders, Shepard can't help but allow herself to be pulled in the directions of a charismatic human and a rebellious turian. With what little time they seem to share, Shepard can at least enjoy the little things...right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She felt it in the weakness of her knees, the scarring of her skin, and the trembling of her bruised fingers.

A looming presence overwhelmed her; a dreadful doubt that ate away at her like a starved crow, constantly devouring her will.

The public showers were filled with a few echoes of chattering. From simple exchanges of greetings, to raunchy jokes, they helped pull Commander Jane Shepard back into the present.

She was gratefully reminded of the little things: The gentle humming of the ship, the steady feet of a dedicated crew, and once in a while the laughter; evidence of a bonding camaraderie.

Luckily the showers were divided by curtains to maintain a level of privacy, which Shepard always favored. 

She brought a hand to her cheek, where a yellow and purple coloring have painted her olive colored skin. She winces for only a moment as a slight ache releases from her touch.

The warm water had already washed away all of the muck and grind from the day’s completed mission, and so she delicately moved her hand from her face to her long black hair, gently pulling at the silky-heavy strands. She notes how the conditioner has set, and proceeds to bow her head below the running water.

She rarely allows herself many comfortable luxuries, but this was one she could always go home to. With every invigorating wash, she felt like she could start anew after blood and dirt disappear with the draining of water.

When she returned to her quarters, she quickly collected the folded items on her desk. Longingly, she slipped into a pair of pajama shorts and a loose-fitting t-shirt. A new surge of comfort engulfed her as the soft fabric slid around her skin.

With a slight turn, she caught her reflection in the mirror and gave a little pose.

Her hazel eyes appeared as a darker shade of brown under the dim lights. Her face remained soft under the bruising, however a roughness surrounded the few scars that adorned the bridge of her nose and cheek. Her full lips were still swollen from a gash, and her hair- a wet mess.

Her shirt currently hid her lean and muscular figure, which occupied many more scars. Her gaze followed over to her hands, which held much of the gruffness of battle.

For a brief moment she wondered what would have become of her life if she had never joined the Alliance Navy. However, the thought was not of a negative origin, but only a faint curiosity of the type of civilian life she could have possibly had.

She curiously brushed away wet strands that had stuck to her face, all while attempting to picture a woman without scars. She rather liked the idea of not having to overwork Dr. Chakwas on a regular basis.

As for that looming presence that snuck up on the brave commander’s thoughts… a rogue turian was to blame. 

Her mind was so muddled with _what ifs_ and worries, so much that Shepard resorted to going to bed much earlier than intended.

Before bed, she concluded her routine with a lather of moisturizer, working to help relieve the pains and aches of her tired muscles.

As she sat up working the cream into her skin, the aroma of fresh lavender sent her head spinning. It was a good scent. Much better than the smell and taste of iron.

When she laid down to rest, she gave a peer at the door, wondering about the new crew members that now inhabited the SSV Normandy: Ashley Williams, Garrus Vakarian, Urdnot Wrex, and Tali’Zorah nar Rayya. All save for Ashley, were recruited shortly after encountering them at the Citadel.

Although some of the human crew expressed their concerns over having ‘aliens’ aboard the Normandy, Shepard found herself a little more invigorated with new company. Unfortunately, Shepard every so often has to push through that motivation when it comes to that damn stubborn krogan.

Her thoughts began to fade as she gingerly brought a pillow over and hugged it tight, shifting around for that perfect position. And when she drifted into sleep, she silently hoped for peaceful dreams.

They never came…

***

A world of crimson flashed before her. Screams of agony intertwined with the screeching of violent beings unknown to her. This chaos was ingrained in her, signaling, or warning her; there was still not enough clarity to decipher the beacon’s message.

As far as she knew, geth were certainly involved.

Her eyes opened gently as the nightmare had brought her back to consciousness. With furrowed brows, Shepard groaned loudly, feeling a piercing headache taking over.

Nothing new.

Shepard sat up, attempting to shake away the remaining grogginess.

After careful consideration, Shepard figured a good stroll around the Normandy could do her no harm, that’s unless she encounters a certain irritated and tired Jeff “Joker” Moreau.  

She settled for the stroll, and readied herself with a glass of water in hand.

The mess hall was spotless, illuminated in licks of vibrant golden-orange tones.

The Normandy itself was known to be a quiet ship, but it still carried a soft hum that Shepard found a certain coziness with.

With eyes closed, Shepard sat down to attentively listen as those vibrations moved through and around her.

A soft chuckle left her lips as she remembered Tali’s reaction to the engineering room. The bright and brilliant Quarian was practically shaking from all of the excitement-

“Commander.” Shepard was startled by the sudden greeting. Kaidan Alenko was standing across from her.

“Lieutenant.” The exchange was formal as usual.

“Mind if I sit?” Kaidan gestured at the seat across from her.

“It’s all yours.” Shepard gave a welcoming smile before pressing her lips to cold glass.

She watched as Kaidan sat with something pressed firmly under his arm. He was sporting a tight grey t-shirt and black sweatpants, an outfit that certainly did favors to his physic. Shepard caught the sparkle of his dog tags, dangling against his chest.

Instinctively, Shepard brought a hand up to tug at her shirt, the cottony fabric squished firmly in her hesitant grasp as she realized that this was the first time he caught her out of her uniform. A feeling of insecurity arose evidently with the flush of her cheeks.

The two sat in awkward silence, feeling the tension rise with every minute that passed.

Kaidan was engrossed in whatever he was reading off of his holopad that he had brought with him. Seeing how immersed he was, scratched at Shepard’s curious nature, and she couldn’t resist taking peeks from behind her glass every once in a while.

Eventually, Kaidan realized the nosy commander and looked up at her, catching her gaze.

 _Shit. Busted_.

“I ugh…” Kaidan searched for the right words, only Shepard doubted he would find them in his hair, which he was scratching at nervously.

She leaned in, elbows resting on the table.

“Sorry… I was just wondering what you were reading.”

“Oh?” Kaidan looked at the screen, his lips curling up into a pleasant smile.

“You like to read, Commander?” Kaidan asked with wide eyes, his tone animated and passionate.

“I try, I mean… I constantly start them, but never finish.”

Kaidan nodded understandably.

“Yeah, I guess it comes with not working a regular nine to five. Luckily, I’ve already read this.”

Kaidan pushed his holopad over to Shepard, who then grasped it cautiously before reading the title out loud.

“The Death of Arden Lee.” Shepard squinted at the screen, reading a little excerpt from the page Kaidan left off of.  

“Migraine?” Kaidan surveyed the confused Commander. Noticing her reaction, he goes on to explain.

“I just noticed how you were massaging your temples once in a while.”

“Well, it’s not one to compete with yours, it’s just a headache.” Shepard reassured.

Kaidan allowed her words to sink in before admitting his concern.

“It should have been me…” His voice trailed off. It was about the third time he found himself apologizing.

“Kaidan, how many times do I have to tell you? No one could have predicted-”

“It’s just that this isn’t the first time Commander. Granted, you look much better now than a few days ago-”

“Kaidan, there is nothing to worry about. Remember, this is an advantage now.” Shepard tapped the side of her head. “And with it, we’re going to find that bastard.”

Kaidan glowered and crossed his arms in protest.

“I don’t know. First we lose Jenkins, and not much later I thought I had just caused the death of my Commander. It’s hard you know? I don’t want to continue being unreliable to the team.”

“If you were unreliable, there is no way Anderson would have even given you the time of day, Kaidan. Believe me. You’re here because he trusts you. And just because I’m the one in charge now, doesn’t change that fact. I trust you.”  

“It’s good to hear that, Commander.”

That smile he gives her, it sends an electric shock to her core.  

“Now, no more sulking for one night, I want to talk about this book.” Shepard holds up the holopad, a necessary distraction that allowed her to control her desire to flirt.

Kaidan excitedly begins to give a brief summary of the story. A recent continuation of a childhood favorite, only this return devastatingly kills Arden at the start, forcing his allies to come together in an effort to find his killer.

His love for it lies in the story’s newest hero, Detective Lee’s protégée. 

“-it’s got plenty of suspense, so I think it should hold your attention long enough to finish.” Kaidan smirks at the Commander, and she can’t help but feel a little flutter in the pit of her stomach. However, her sudden and quiet distraction makes Kaidan feel self-conscience.  

“I ugh- may be a bit obsessed. “

“That’s okay, it sounds pretty good, but maybe I should start with the original book and work my way up like you did.”

“Commander, I don’t think you’ll get through them in your life time.”

Shepard begins to give a teasing glare at Kaidan, who all but ignores her.

“Here, I’ll send you a copy, and if you like it I’ll guide you from there. In fact, you can hold on to that if you feel like giving it a start tonight.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

“Thank you, Kaidan.”

Shepard hadn’t a clue why she was suddenly attracted to the gentle nature of his eyes, the comforting sound of his voice, and admittedly the physical shape he was in. She assured herself it came down to a pure need for a stress reliever. But it was something she would deny herself, and of course she didn’t want to make Kaidan feel uncomfortable by making advances. Then there was the issue of rank.

“Well, how about I leave you to get started? And I’ll turn in to my room. If you hate it, maybe you’ll at least find it boring enough to help you sleep.”

“Keep up that positive outlook, Kaidan.” Shepard gave a final laugh before saying goodnight.

“Commander.” Kaidan responded appreciatively.

“Shepard’s fine.”

He stopped in his steps.

“Shepard.” It left his lips carefully, still holding that respectful tone. Kaidan turned his muscular back away from Shepard and headed for his room. 

***

The jarring sound of the alarm caused Shepard to sit up in shock.

She turned towards the mirror to her left and began to cringe at the sight before her.

Her hair was in such a twisted and knotted mess, she figured a creature would reveal itself and scurry away from its nest.

In a panicked state, she grabbed the comb resting on the floor, where she had previously thrown it without a care in the universe. And so she began working away, desperately pulling at the tangles to make it appear somewhat presentable.

When her hair finally regained its shape, Shepard decided to return to the comfort of her sheets and feathered pillows. All the while, she battled the temptation to drift into blissful unconsciousness, only to hear the snooze alarm ring annoyingly in her ear once again.

Still in a daze, Shepard slowly came to the realization that the setting she was in, was not in fact, normal.

She had immersed herself in a world of mystery, deceit, and good old fashioned detective work. The pages of the book flew by with every swift motion of her finger on the screen, as she made it a goal to get through at least a few chapters before attempting to retire to her quarters.

Towards the end of what she could remember, it only entailed cryptic words and blurry paragraphs.

Shepard swore at this point, that she had in fact fallen asleep in the mess hall, and yet, here she was, waking cozily in her own bed.

She began to look around for Kaidan’s holopad.

At the corner of her eye, she noticed a silver colored anomaly, and a weight alleviated from her shoulders as she confirmed that she didn’t misplace it.

It was plausible that she had slept-walked, but she could confidently recall that she never had a sleep-walking incident in her life.

Her mind wandered, and she imagined Kaidan holding her in his arms. In fact, there was a faint memory of a cold surface, but the arms that held her were more than enough to keep her content and relaxed.

That disoriented memory caused Shepard to gasp. A harsh cough soon followed that quickly evolved into choking.

Her eyes watered uncontrollably as she fought to regain her breath.

“Fuck me.” Shepard spoke hoarsely as her throat finally cleared.

With that in mind, Shepard proceeded to get ready so that she may clear up this little assumption.

Back in the mess hall, only a few of her team members were up and conversing.

Engineer Adams and Tali were caught up in trading ideas on how to maintain the Normandy’s core engine in optimal performance.

Garrus sat quietly while he ate his provisions.

Kaidan was there, a tray of food in his hands. He seemed to be excusing himself from the table.

“-can’t keep Joker waiting.”

Shepard could now tell that he was having this exchange with Garrus, who gave a thoughtful nod and a quick chuckle.

“You wanna slip him some of my food? I’m sure that will keep him quiet.” Garrus teased as he held up a piece of meat.

“I guess we could use the vacation.” Kaidan gave a hardy laugh before continuing towards the stairs.

Shepard debated waiting for him, but figured a quick greeting would suffice.

She gave a brief nod to the others at the table, before making her way over to Kaidan.

“Kaidan?”  

“Morning, Commander. Did you get some sleep?” His brows arched curiously, awaiting Shepard’s response.

“I swear it wasn’t boring, I guess my body finally decided to let me rest.” Shepard gave a quick wave of her finger, as if preventing him from accusing her. She carefully grasped at the holopad with her left hand, and held it out for Kaidan.

“Here. I’m really enjoying it, but obviously you need this.”

“Thanks, Commander. And don’t worry, like I said, I’m going to send you a copy.”

Shepard gave an appreciative smile, before it devolved into a slight pout. The question wouldn’t leave her lips.

“Is something wrong?” A genuine frown formed as Kaidan inched a little closer to her. 

With a bite of her lip, she bravely confronted him.

“Did you help me to my room last night? I was so out of it, I’m really not sure how I got there.” Her tone was dialed down so that the others couldn’t hear.

“Wasn’t me, Commander.” Kaidan didn’t seem to care for the volume of his tone. Even from the stairs, his voice must have rang through the entire mess hall.

A sudden scraping sound echoed, as someone abruptly left their chair.

Shepard looked over for a moment, but could not see anyone. She turned to face Kaidan, who now appeared to be contemplating something. His eyes wandered, scanning her face for a few seconds. When he snapped out of his distraction, he once again walked another step down to close that distance.

Shepard could feel the heat of his body this time, making her breath quicken, and her heart rate accelerate. What she wouldn’t give for a night of release.  

“Well, don’t be too embarrassed. Everyone here respects you, and wouldn’t leave you to wake up drooling all over the table.”

Shepard grinned and gave a slight push on Kaidan’s arm.

“Regardless, if you tell anyone that you had to carry me-“

“It really wasn’t me.”

Kaidan appeared to be taken aback by Shepard’s playfulness. He gave a gracious smile in response.

“No it’s ok, I’m not hungry!” Joker’s faint voice barely reached the bottom of the steps.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” Kaidan reluctantly began to venture up the steps, waving at Shepard.

“See you, Commander.”  

“Have fun,” Shepard gave a delicate wave of her hand and returned to the mess hall.  

A sense of calm surrounded her this time as she made her way to the kitchen. Shepard reached for a tray and eagerly piled food onto it.

Ultimately, she decided to let the matter go. It was a simple gesture of kindness that saved her from slight embarrassment, and insured what turned into a perfect night’s rest.

Suddenly, her foggy memory cleared for only a moment, as she felt tickling on her forehead; a sensation of fingers caressing her skin as they moved a lock of hair away. There was a gentle stroke behind her ear as the smooth strands were tucked away from her face.

“Commander Shepard!” Tali waved her down, and pointed at the spot next to her.

Shepard broke away from her daydreaming, although it felt real enough.

Shepard promptly sat down and greeted Tali and Adams cheerfully, but noticed that Garrus had already left.


	2. Chapter 2

“Liara” Shepard appeared at the doorway, wiping away the sweat from her brow.

“Are you alright? Is there anything I can get you?”  

“No, I am feeling much better. I must thank you for your concern, Shepard. The ‘joining’ did drain me a little, but I believe that with time I’ll be able to piece together the meaning behind your visions.”

This was the second time at their attempt to decipher the message, but little was accomplished.  

Since Eden Prime, and in large part thanks to Tali’s audio she recovered, the Normandy crew were able to uncover Saren’s true motive: to find the conduit that will bring about the return of the Reapers, now suspected to have wiped out the Protheans. However, utilizing Shepard’s vision to piece together the fate of the Protheans was not enough. They too were now in the race for the conduit. Liara being an expert on Prothean history, made her incredibly valuable. The challenge now included the search for Liara’s mother, Matriarch Benezia, who was aiding Saren in this endeavor.  

Despite the dizziness, Liara gathered her strength to stand up and greeted Shepard respectively.

“Well don’t push yourself too hard, Liara.” Shepard took Liara’s standing as an invitation, and proceeded to enter the room.

“Pushing myself isn’t the issue. Right now, everyone aboard this ship is suspicious of me because of Benezia. But I promise you Commander, that I will do everything in my power to help you find her.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“She and I have been separated for years, and the fact that she is aiding Saren makes me wonder what he did to persuade her into such an arrangement. Shepard, if there is chance that I can save her, please, all I can ask is that you’ll allow me to try before…”

“Of course Liara, you have my word. Do you think she’ll put up a fight? I mean with you by our side?”

“I honestly don’t know. All matriarchs are extremely powerful, we must be prepared.” Her voice held a slight quiver of sadness.

Shepard felt a pang of guilt as she wondered what it would feel like to have to face her parents like this. Ultimately, it was impossible to imagine since at this point in her life, their faces had now reduced to aged portraits and faded memories.

Etched deeply in her heart and memory were their voices. Her father’s voice carried a rustic and smooth quality. Her mother’s was pretty monotone, but her laughter was always rowdy and contagious.

Before Shepard departed for a mission, there was only one moment that would constantly replay in her mind. It readied her more than any prior training she had received.

 _Don’t give up Jane. No matter what you hear, no matter what you see, you tear through those bastards. Remember how we practiced? Yeah, that’s it. No…finger here…there you go. You won’t even worry about the kick, sweetie. Remember, let the pistol do its job, and run. I’ll follow as fast as I can, but if I don’t make it…Shit…Go NOW_.

The gunshot wounds her mother sustained prevented her from speaking, but Shepard remembered how her mother held her hand in hers, a little cold to the touch. Her brown eyes held a yellow tint, her skin was painted with bloodied streams that carved paths through dirt. Painstakingly, her dad couldn’t leave the love of his life behind.

Shepard could only see their faint shadowy figures now, as the distance grew between parents and a fleeing girl.

In the end, her father bought enough time for her to make an escape from the slavers.

“Shepard?” Liara brought Shepard back to the present.

“Sorry, I ugh-I also seem to be a little tired. Get some rest, Liara. And don’t worry too much about the others. They’ll get around to trusting you.”

“I hope you’re right, Shepard. And thank you.”

Shepard nodded, and the two exchanged pleasant smiles.

On her way out, she could sense that someone was waiting for her out of the corner of her eye.

Kaidan was pacing back and forth until he caught sight of the Commander.

As soon as she turned towards him, Kaidan worked his way through shuffling crew members to get to her.

“Is everything alright Commander?”

“Yeah, she seems to be getting her strength back.” Shepard looked towards the doorway to Liara’s room.

“All eyes are on her right now.”

A few feet away, Shepard spotted Ashley closing in on the pair.

“Taking risks at this point, may force us to pay a high price later, Shepard.”

“LT is right, Commander. Who knows what the Asari will do once she sees her rogue mother.” Ashley stood beside Kaidan, arms folded, and her eyes tense.

“Just like with the others, give her the benefit of the doubt, Ashley.”

Shepard had felt tensions between the three of them. In three weeks’ time, Liara had for the most part found the foundations of a friendship with Shepard.

Wrex didn’t care much. His mind as usual was focused on the task at hand.

Garrus and Tali seemed to have taken a liking to her.

Kaidan however hadn’t given an opinion, until now.

Ashley was the same in that regard, but would notably avoid Liara.

“I know, Commander. It’s just, I’m just thinking about if that were me facing my mother, I _know for a fact_ that I couldn’t pull the trigger.”

Ashley shifted her weight nervously, awaiting Shepard’s response.

Shepard considered Ashley's concern before proceeding.

“Look, we all know what Liara will have to endure with Benezia. Killing the Matriarch is not my number one concern. I gave her my word that if we can persuade her mother peacefully, then that’s what we’ll do. What is equally important is who I’m bringing with me. Nothing’s changed for us, and that includes working together and trusting that we’ll protect each other. We don’t know what the Matriarch will throw at us on Noveria.”

“Of course, Shepard.” Both Ashley and Kaidan relaxed their poses as the conversation had concluded.

Shepard excused herself and settled for a visit to storage.

Kaidan exchanged a look of regret when he caught Shepard’s eye, but a sweet smile from her made a kiss of red rush to his cheeks.

Shepard gave a small wave before Kaidan confidently left for the opposite direction. 

When she got to storage, she saw Garrus hard at work repairing the Mako.

“Got a moment, Garrus?”

“Of course.” Garrus began to neatly lay out his tools before standing up.

His figure towered over Shepard, which she suspected to be almost seven feet tall. But by now, she was used to straining her neck just to look at him.

“How is Liara doing?” Garrus along with the others, had witnessed Liara’s weakened state.

“She seems to be feeling better. Now it’s just the waiting game, until I can put together a plan that won’t kill us on Noveria.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that you will get us through this, Shepard. We’re close, and soon we’ll have Saren in our grasps.”

“Change of heart Garrus? I’m glad you’re feeling a little higher in spirits.”

“Well, I’ve got to admit that I’ve been able to sleep a little better knowing that Dr. Saleon won’t be torturing any more people. I’m just grateful that you didn’t hesitate for a moment about going after that _murderer_ when the chance landed at our feet.”

Garrus tiled his head, his eyes distracted for a moment, in what Shepard suspected was him recollecting the moment they shot down Dr. Saleon.

“And seeing how much you trusted me… I’m not worried anymore, Shepard. You’re going to catch Saren.”

“ _We’re_ going to catch Saren, Garrus. Nothing has changed, I need you there every step of the way.”

“I’m not arguing with that.”

Shepard smiled and shied away for a moment.

“Have you talked to Wrex yet?” Garrus pointed in the opposite direction. Wrex had his back turned towards the pair, muttering away as he held steel to cloth.

“Didn’t look like it was appropriate to interrupt.”

“He hasn’t stopped polishing that damn armor ever since you've retrieved it for him.”

“Hmm, maybe he likes me now.”

“No, I think he just tolerates you now.”

Shepard’s laugh echoed through the storage room. When she looked up at Garrus, he himself gave a low chuckle. His mandibles flared and his eyes were closed comfortably at the thought.

“Well then, maybe I should go and change that.” Shepard warmly responded and gave a look in Wrex’s direction. 

“Like you said, probably shouldn’t interrupt.” Garrus teased as he reached down for a tool.

“I’ll talk to you later Garrus.”

“I’ll be here, fixing up this mess you caused.” Garrus laughed once again as he caught Shepard’s annoyed expression at the Mako.

Shepard was a few inches behind Wrex before he spoke.

“Shepard.”

“Wrex.”

“You know, you two aren’t as quiet as you think you are.”

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

“Hah, well I’ll have you know that I don’t tolerate you. I respect you, Shepard.”

“Wow Wrex, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say nothing. I ain't here for that fuzzy human stuff, just stating fact.”

Shepard peered down at the carefully polished armor, observing the new engravings that were revealed under the muck of ancient dust and oil.

“It’s all in one piece…” Wrex’s usual growl had hushed down to rare and content soft tone.

“It’s beautiful.” Shepard was tempted to touch the engravings, to be familiarized with its damaged but sturdy history.

“Gah, it’s just a hunk of metal.” Although he exchanged this bitter statement with Shepard, a smile formed across his face in response to her remark. 

He gave a curious glance at Shepard, who stood attentively waiting for him to speak once again.

“You know, Shepard, I think you would have made a good krogan.”

“Oh?” Shepard’s eyes grew wide.

“Loyalty is rarity among krogan these days, but at the heart of it, we are looking for the moment when all clans can come together instead of shedding each other’s blood.

Shepard glanced over to Garrus, whose curiosity pulled him into ease dropping.

“Your loyalty to your crew reminds me of those days…”

Those days he spoke of were long before the genophage devastated his people. Shepard hardly ever knew what response would be appropriate whenever the subject came up.

“Do you think the krogan will be able to find a cure one day?”

“Probably not in your life time, Shepard.” He spoke with an injured tone.

“Regardless, I’m confident I’ll be able to see the beginnings of it, and maybe you'll be the one leading it, Wrex.”

Wrex shifted about without directly responding, but Shepard could tell that the statement gave him a surge of satisfaction.

“Well that ain't going to happen if you get me killed on one of these missions, Shepard. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to save your ass, and the turian.”

Wrex’s sullen expression transitioned to one of humor, and Shepard joined in on the laughter.

“Well some of us don’t have the benefit of instant healing.”

“Upgrade your worthless armor already.”

“Yes, sir.” Shepard teased before excusing herself.

One last look at the krogan behind her, and she noticed that his large figure now appeared a little more relaxed and even vulnerable.

Garrus waved her down.

“Well that was…surprising.”

“I should have made a bet before heading over there.” Shepard was beaming with delight.

“You have a finesse for softening up the hard edges of other species, Shepard.”

“Well I’m glad my charm is working for something.”

As her words left her lips, Garrus began to watch her quizzically, and it made her feel a little uneasy.

“Hmmph.” Garrus made a slight growl of amusement.

“Garrus?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Come on, you can tell me.”

“I’ve just noticed how you seem to wear your emotions a little more obvious than others…I mean humans in general.” Garrus had turned to slightly distract himself with the Mako, a tool in hand, readying for repair.

“It varies individually.” Shepard stated.

“Are you sure?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Shepard, even when you are trying to hide something like your anger, somehow there are so many ways to read you…to reveal you.”

A rush of heat burned at her cheeks.

“Well that’s why I said it varies.”

“It’s not a criticism, Shepard. I just find it, rather fascinating. We turians tend to be a little more-“

“Stoic.”

“Precisely. I just find it refreshing because I feel like I don’t have to worry about you hiding something.”

“Hiding something?”

“Well, for all I know you hate turians, or you just don’t like dealing with me in particular.”

“That’s a bit of a stretch, Garrus.”

“It’s just an example. I simply like it. I like that I get to know you without having to always interrogate.”

“We might seem a little more obvious than others, but we still keep ourselves from revealing everything.”

“Admittedly there are some incredibly confusing things about the human race, but even then, I still like figuring you out.”

“Oh? And what am I thinking now?” Shepard began to purse her lips, and a deadpan expression in her eyes.

“Bored?”

“How about now?” Shepard took a turn for silly, and began to move her brows up and down with an accompanying smirk; her lips puckered up.

“That’s…”

“And this?” Shepard crossed her eyes and began to flare her nostrils repeatedly.

When she caught the glimpse of a completely blank turian, she could practically hear the gears turning in his thoughts. She couldn’t help but burst out into laughter.

It was Garrus’ turn to have bit of a nervous blush, only it was one that Shepard wouldn’t be able to tell due to the blue and grey tones of his skin. Although the movement of his mandibles at least gave a little hint to his bashfulness.

“Real funny, Shepard. You sure you want to tease the best marksman on your team?”

“Positive.” Her smile radiated and her cheeks pained a little from the laughter.

“I’ll leave you to your work, Garrus. Sorry about that. I couldn’t resist.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Shepard turned to head for the elevator but Garrus had called out to her a final time.

“Hey Shepard, before you go. Are you…feeling better?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Like you said, you _can_ hide some things. That’s why I want to know if you’re feeling better since… Eden Prime?”

“Well the headaches are gone.”

“Good. You sleeping better?”

“Sometimes…”

“Well, if you ever find yourself wandering around, I’m usually a light sleeper. So feel free to drop by... I don’t mind the company. Plus Wrex snores up a storm, I’d like a little clarity from that.”

“Sounds like a plan, Garrus.”

“See you around, Shepard.”

In the few passing seconds the elevator ride provided, Shepard wondered how Garrus came to know of her troubled sleeping habits.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A turian and a human walk into a bar...

Silversun strip roared with the busy clitter clatter of footsteps. Shepard would feel a slight collision of elbows and shoulders as she hurried through the crowded street, some were soft and very much innocent, while others were rough with intent; the drunken stupor of the public had finally settled into the night cycle. 

She was met by a sudden stop when a man landed face down onto the sidewalk, a sudden fit of laughter had a crowd of turians mocking the human on the ground.

“Shu-shut-d-fuck…” the man struggled in between fits of coughing and a nuisance of a hiccup. One of the turians walked over with a sway and reached out a hand.

“Done already?” The turian chuckled before helping his friend up.

The distraction ceased as Shepard finally had a clear path around the pack of tipsy men. She had hoped to arrive at her favorite bar without fuss, but the amount of activity present was a little more than average around this time.

After a couple of odd turns into shady areas, Shepard turned into a dark alley. Although it was an odd arrangement, it held hole in the wall boutiques, bars, and restaurants, all less suited for tourists and more catered to those seeking refuge from the racket of the strip.

And finally she arrived to the very quiet, and very much appreciated presence of the bar and grill.

When Shepard walked in, a middle aged woman stood across from a couple of krogan customers; cautiously placing a couple of steaming bowls before them. They nodded graciously and sorted through the mystery meat before devouring the entirety of their meals in a matter of seconds.

The woman was sealed in a slouched posture, her silver-brown hair was tied into a simple bun, and then Shepard caught sight of her eyes; even from the door, she could see how radiant her blue eyes complemented her aged complexion.

The woman peered up at the Commander and released a howl of a laughter.

“Jane you ol’ trouble maker! Is that really you?”

Shepard walked over eagerly, hand ready as she reached over the counter for a handshake.

“How have you been Emily?”

The woman, Emily, took Shepard’s hand into both of hers and shook it excitedly.

“I’ve just been missing my regulars. How long you in this time?”

“Just a couple of days. This last one…well it took a bit of a toll on the crew. Figured we could use a bit of unwinding.”

“Same story with every Alliance soldier that walks in here. And none too different from the aliens either.”

“And here I thought I could provide some unique stories from around the galaxy.”

“No need to make excuses. Bitch and rant all you like, but of course, I ain’t listening for free. You want the same?” Emily gave Shepard a teasing wink, awaiting her response.

Shepard nodded and Emily quickly provided her with her favorite choice of craft beer.

The night proceeded with Shepard hardly saying a word, instead Emily accounted for every second of lost time and told stories of the strange travelers she’s met; and without catching her breath she went into further updates regarding her kids and grandchildren.

Shepard took every detail to heart as she slowly took small sips of her drink, savoring the bitter taste as she took her time so as to not rush into losing control of her senses.

After about an hour, the two krogan finally made their exit, bellies full and their heads a little buzzed, but somehow their timely exit triggered a pour of new customers, and they filled up every vacant seat around Shepard.

 _Emily’s Bar and Grill_ could only support about thirty people, but even then, Shepard felt a bit overwhelmed at the rush of business in the limited space.

“Something going on?”

“Well take your pick: Weddin’ season, graduation season, _I’m old enough to drink_ season…”

A couple of workers that had previously kept busy in the kitchen came out to help Emily with the rush of customers.

Shepard continued to take her time with her drink, but as the night wore on, she hardly paid any notice to the few extra refills she treated herself to.

As with any bar, she hoped to have Emily’s ear, for she wanted nothing more than to let go of the constant dreadful weight she had been carrying since Noveria.

Liara lost her mother. The only way Shepard could find some sort of peace with the situation was the fact that Liara was able to say goodbye, and Benezia was able to express her love before succumbing permanently to her indoctrinated state. 

It was a fucking miserable one, Shepard thought, and it was one that hit too close to home.  

She had invited Liara for a drink, but Liara had insisted on staying in her hotel room for peace and quiet, and Shepard hadn’t the heart to coax her into accompanying her. There was at least some comfort knowing that Tali had insisted on staying in with Liara. 

But now Shepard reluctantly kept to herself for the evening. She regretted the fact that she didn’t stay in either to help keep her friends company, but she craved some sort of fresh air that the Citadel could provide.

People continued to shuffle in and out, but Emily was completely calm throughout as she flawlessly took orders and fulfilled them with little to no mistake. Her employees worked effortlessly as well as they shuffled around with cloths in their grasp, keeping all of the furnishings polished and ready for each new visitor. It was a great night for business, and Shepard finally broke away from her timid posture and eased into a smile after catching on to some contagious laughter from a neighboring drunk.

Shepard had attempted to stand up and take her leave but was met with protest as Emily painfully grabbed her shoulder, forcing the swaying Commander back onto her seat.

The stern woman placed a mysterious cup in front of Shepard before giving her a slight scolding.

“Don’t even think about leaving here until you can look me straight in the eye and walk on two feet.” With a heavy pat on her back, Emily left Shepard’s side and proceeded to take more orders from behind the bar.

Shepard took hold of the cup in front of her and felt a shock of heat through her palms. She then took a cautious sip and sighed contentedly as the hot liquid worked its way down and warmed her to the bone.

“Started without me, I see.” Shepard gave a slight turn to reveal who made the comment.

A blue uniform fitted onto a muscular build, and it was a tall figure that towered over Shepard’s seated body. It was only when she rubbed her eyes into clarity that she realized it was armor she was staring at.

Garrus gave a quick glance around until he swiped an empty chair from a neighboring table, and without hesitation, he pushed the drunken patron’s stool away from Shepard’s right side. The semi-conscious patron didn’t seem to mind his new position at the bar, he gave Garrus a droopy glare before smiling himself back into sleep.

“What you drinking?” Garrus asked rather confidently.

“Tea.” Shepard gave a quick smile before taking another sip.

“Now I seem to remember you telling me how well you hold your liquor, Shepard.” Garrus teased as he browsed the menu on the wall. Emily being a smart business lady, never hesitated to learn about dextro-based cuisine and always stocked up on foreign liquor.

“You’ve been here before?”

“Been here once with a couple of C-Sec officers last year…only I don’t remember many people knowing about it in the first place.”

“Damn tourists,” Shepard gave a slight chuckle as she continued to take gentle sips of her tea.

“What you haven, handsome.” Emily had caught sight of the browsing turian and rushed over to assist him.

“I ugh-“

“This is Garrus Vakarian.”

“Emily Diaz at your service, Garrus. Now what’s your poison?”

Garrus regained his composure and ordered his preferred bottle of turian liquor. Emily brought it out in one quick motion. Before a simple thanks could be given, she quickly disappeared to attend to the other patrons.

“So what kind of night you planning? Heavy or lightweight?” Shepard glanced up at Garrus as he opened the bottle eagerly and took in a satisfying gulp.

“Depends on the friends I’m with, so _you_ _tell me_.”

“I was on track for the heavyweights, but Emily put a stop to it before making my way to the next bar.”

“Not much room anywhere else, Commander.” Garrus gave a look that Shepard could only decipher as a smirk when his mandibles flicked in motion with the tilt of his head.

The two sat in comfortable silence as they enjoyed their drinks. Eventually Garrus glanced over at Shepard, who was finally feeling the heat in her cheeks return.

“Oh god,” Shepard moaned as the noise rang with more clarity, to which she brought her hands up to massage gingerly at the temples.

“Quitting early tonight?” Garrus asked as he signaled for another drink.

“Nah, just sucks that I couldn’t avoid the crowds.”

“At least you didn’t have to stop a fight on the way here.”

“Really?”

“It was a sad display of _human male dominance_. Either way there isn’t much they can do against a turian.”

“Are you bragging, Garrus?”

“Just stating fact.”

Shepard scoffed at the statement and nudged at Garrus teasingly. A low hum left his sub-vocals, and with all the noise that polluted the bar, Shepard was shocked she was able to pick up any of it at all.

“Now seriously, Shepard…What are you drinking?”

“Oh god-I probably shouldn’t or Emily will yank my hair out.”

“You two close?”

“Very. I’ve known her before I entered the Alliance Navy. We would exchange stories of some terrible things we used to do. You see, we both didn’t have much guidance since well…we’re both orphans...”

“I’m sorry Shepard, I didn’t know.”

“Don’t worry. Like I said, I found a friend through it all, and even though we used to have trouble with the law, we can laugh about it now. She was the one who encouraged me to pursue a career with the Alliance. And here I am now, enforcing the law around the galaxy.”

“Except you can bend the rules, _Spectre_.”

“I’ll never get used to that.” Shepard smiled modestly before looking over towards the menu.

“I guess I could go for another round.”

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Garrus waved Emily over for Shepard.

When Emily arrived she pursed her lips as she glared down at the woman now hiding her face behind her palms.

“Why you actin’ suspicious? If you think you’ll get another round from me, you’ll have to deal with a round with my fist, young lady.”

“Didn’t want to leave my friend to drink alone.”

Emily peered over at Garrus and gave a chuckle.

“You’re walkin’ her home, you hear?”

Garrus’ figure appeared to shrink in response to the woman’s forwardness; Shepard could tell this moment would need explanation.

“There is no one I trust more, besides you of course.” Shepard gleamed with delight as she patted Garrus’ back in assurance.

“I’ll be back.” Emily shuffled away for Shepard’s order.

“She’s only teasing, Garrus. Very blunt but she always means well.”

“She’d make a good Captain.” Garrus complemented before reaching down for his bottle.

The night proceeded into the a.m. and Shepard could feel herself in a daze. Every cheesy joke, whether she understood it or not, would send her into a fit of laughter after every delivery Garrus would make.

Eventually the bar quieted down, but the pair remained the rowdiest of the bunch. Emily would peak over at the two and smirk as she continued to clean shot glasses.

Shepard caught sight of the clock mounted on the wall above an antique jukebox.

“Already three...” Shepard sighed as she composed herself. Eventually she needed to actually take advantage of the rest they needed before heading out in a couple of days.

“And?”

“And it might be time for us to make our exit. Emily usually closes around this time anyways.”

“Don’t mind me, just babysitting.” Emily gave another smirk before walking over to Shepard.

“It’s always good to see you.” The two embraced in a hug and Garrus watched in curiosity at the affectionate display.

“It will be another few months before I see you…”

“Listen, you might think you’re tough as krogan, but you are still human. Keep yourself safe.”

Shepard remained quiet and Emily knew that it was a promise no one could fulfill. She then turned to Garrus and gave her blessing.

“I know you two will watch out for each other. Being on her team means that you are part of this dysfunctional family now."

“I ugh-“

“Don’t dwell on it, son, just watch your back. I expect to see you two next time, and bring the rest of the crew, Jane.”

“Thanks, Emily.”

“Now head on out before you puke on my counter.” Emily fought the tears swelling in her eyes, and Shepard couldn’t help but walk around the bar to part ways with one last hug.

***

Just like the bar, the strip had quieted down. Shepard could walk freely without bumping limb to limb with random strangers. She stretched her arms out comfortably and yawned.

“Where to, Commander?” Garrus glanced down hurriedly at the five foot five woman before him. Without realizing, he had developed the habit of always checking for her presence since she would easily go out of sight; and this was desperately the case out in the battle field.

“I’ve got it from here, you can head home or wherever you are staying.”

“Now I seem to recall being ordered to take you home, Shepard. I fear what would happen to me if I disobeyed your mentor.”

“Good point.” The two laughed in unison. Shepard closed her eyes to the sound of his laughter, it was incredibly hypnotic.

“Alright well how about we get a cab, it’s a ways off and I don’t know how much longer I can last right now.”

“As you wish.” Garrus guided his friend over to a transport terminal and hailed a cab.

The two sat in complete silence during the ride, although not uncomfortable.

The stench of alcohol permeated the air, and Shepard wished for nothing more than to feel every inch of the wind’s embrace to gain some clarity. She reached up and untied her hair before rolling down the window.

The long black strands flowed loosely for a moment before the air began to wisp them about in every direction. Shepard began to spit slightly at the few strands that would end up in her mouth, and was eventually forced to roll up the window.

Garrus desperately fought the urge, but succumbed to a growl of a laugh as he witnessed the clumsy act.

“I don’t know how you humans make do with all _that_.” He gestured with his hands around his fringe.

“Believe me, we look worse without it.” Shepard gave a slight laugh but couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed.

“I doubt you would.” Garrus spoke quietly while peering out at the passing flash of buildings.

Shepard’s brow arched curiously and felt a blush forming across her face. She was incredibly grateful for the fact that Garrus could not see her dramatic change in skin tone.

“Thanks for accompanying me. It’s nice to finally relieve some stress.” Shepard resorted to also looking out of the window as she spoke.

She felt Garrus’ eyes on her now, and she turned to meet his gaze. Before asking the question, Garrus broke the silence first with a chuckle.

“What?”

“Oh-it’s nothing.”

“Come on, buddy.” Shepard inched a little closer to Garrus to pressure him into talking. There was a slight hum he released as he watched her shuffle over.

“Usually when I hear _stress relief_ it’s considered a little different than what you are referring to here…”

“Oh?”

“Before a mission, we usually resort to more violent methods of stress relief. We spar, have combat sims, the works. All supervised of course, but it really works wonders. Especially when you need to settle grudges.”

Shepard’s eyes grew wide in response. “Isn’t that a little risky considering you might get injured before a mission?”

“No, everything is kept under watch to ensure missions aren’t compromised before they even start.”

Garrus continued on to recount a time when he had a nine round sparring session with a recon scout. Each round was grueling but in the end it was settled with a tie. The tie breaker later took place in the bedroom, where Garrus made a point to emphasize his _reach_ and her _flexibility._

Shepard began to giggle at the thought, although her drunkenness had settled to a buzz, she seemed to still maintain that carefree humor.

“Yeah well that’s a good way to settle it alright. Since turians and humans already collaborate on missions and technology, I guess it could do us some good to adopt such routines in preparation for a mission. I know a couple of people that might need to get knocked on their asses.”

“Wouldn’t want that to be me, Shepard.” Garrus’ mandibles flared in amusement and Shepard couldn’t help but blush again.

A couple of minutes passed and Shepard’s mind was fuddled with new information and a new revelation: How did turians have sex? That curiosity took her to places she hadn’t considered before, a place that had her thinking of her friend in a very risqué scenario…

Shepard shook away the thoughts immediately and gave a shameful sigh for even thinking about her friend in any manner related to that.

 _Not that he isn’t attractive_ , she confirmed to herself.

But the subject itself wasn’t something Shepard hadn’t put to mind in a while. It often stayed with her because it had been incredibly long since she was able to lose herself in the comfort of man’s embrace.

She began to press her thighs together tightly as she shifted about uncomfortably. The only goal now was to stay up a little longer to at least relieve that craving.

Shepard brought her hand up to her blouse: a simple button up, black in color and lightweight. She had a grey pencil skirt that complemented her figure, but really that was as “fancy” as she could get.

She wanted to wear the usual jeans and t-shirt, but she couldn’t lie to herself; she wanted to feel confident, beautiful, and deep down inside she wanted to come across as attractive. These were feelings she usually looked down upon but again, months of hard work and no play do catch up on her, and the urges were unrelenting.

A warm sensation caused goose-flesh to rise on the back of her neck. The air had changed for sure, and Shepard didn’t know how long she would last.

She noticed Garrus peek over at her, the plates above his eyes shifted about curiously. When she looked over, she could see a questionable expression on Garrus’ face, but he held back; at least that was what Shepard suspected.

As the heat grew tenser with every passing moment, she settled with rolling down the window again. This time she fought back and caved into gathering up her hair, and tying it up into the signature bun she usually adorned. Her thick fringe however, continued to flow and tickle her eyelids as the cab picked up speed.

“You feeling okay, Shep?”

“Huh? Oh yeah…I think the alcohol is finally making me drowsy.”

“Just don’t fall asleep in here. I don’t think I could carry you in my condition, either.”

“Yeah, I really shouldn’t make that a habit.” Shepard laughed as she recalled the night when she suspected someone had helped her into bed.

“Besides I might have to be the one who needs carrying this time.” Garrus joked as he inched over to note their current location; the cab was coming to a stop at Shepard’s hotel.

Flustered, Shepard watched her friend and couldn’t believe how ridiculous she felt for not realizing sooner. For now, she kept quiet. _It’s not a big deal_ … _stop obsessing_.

With a gentle halt, the pair exited the vehicle, and Garrus scanned his info for a quick payment. Shepard in the meantime walked over to his side and held her arms out.

“Come on, Vakarian. Don’t want you falling on your ass.”

“I don’t doubt your strength, Shep, but I doubt you’d want to carry me.”

“Don’t be shy.”

“I’m saving _you_ the embarrassment.” Garrus walked away playfully. Shepard picked up the pace and caught up.

“Lead the way.” Garrus followed Shepard instinctively into the hotel lobby.        

The lights were blinding, and the pair brought up their hands to shield their heavy eyes from the painful rays.

Shepard gave a nod to the sole worker at the front desk, and with heavy steps, proceeded in the direction of the elevators.

“Thanks for keeping me company. You’re officially safe from Emily’s wrath.”

“It’s an honor like always.” Garrus seemed a little bashful in response. He held on nervously to the collar of his armor.

The elevator arrived and the doors to the lift opened with a smooth huff.

“Goodnight, Garrus…err morning.” Shepard gave a slight smile and began to enter.

The next thing she felt was a shot of pain through her ankle as she clumsily stepped, and the small heel she wore turned for the worse angle.

Without hesitation, Garrus took hold of her arms from behind, and helped her regain her balance.

“Shit.” Shepard winced as she reached down to take off her heels.

“I’ll be adding that to my list of ‘weird human things’” Garrus chuckled as he continued to guide her into the lift, allowing the doors to close behind them.

“You and me both. Figured they would look nice though.” Shepard shot an accusing look at the pair of heels now held firmly in her grasp.

Suddenly, she felt a heated pressure on her shoulder and on her hip. She turned quizzically at Garrus, but he had immediately let go of his hold on her and stepped around towards the panel.

“What floor?”

“32nd.” Shepard answered quietly, still immersing herself in the sensation of that brief physical contact.

Time seemed lost between the elevator ride and the walk to her room. But when they arrived, Shepard felt her hands tremble as she attempted to run her card through the scanner.

Without protest, Shepard felt another grasp, this time around her shaking hand. Garrus held it firmly until the door lit green and opened.

A blast of cool air left the room and Shepard brought one hand up to massage warmth into her opposite arm. Garrus remained behind her.

“You…going in?” Garrus cut through the silence and placed his hand on her back.

Shepard couldn’t move. She was paralyzed as she continued to obsess over the physical contact Garrus repeatedly provided.

Shepard finally closed her eyes tightly and shook away these odd feelings, and proceeded to enter the room. The lights flicked on automatically and she squinted in response. After her eyes adjusted to the light, she couldn’t bring herself to turn around.

Shepard could feel Garrus follow her in. The door closed and sealed the silence between the pair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. It took awhile to sort through my notes and figure out exactly where I want to go with the series. There are so many talented writers who have already provided amazing stories based on Mass Effect, so this is proving to be a challenge. I'm also not going to be 100% happy with the end product but I'm still trying to at least have fun with it and hopefully all of you will too.


	4. Chapter 4

“Garrus?” was all Shepard could mutter.

He remained consciously a few feet behind the small form of the Commander. The realization had hit and all he wanted was to slap himself for just nonchalantly letting himself into her room.  

“Shepard-I just.” Garrus struggled to speak, his tone down to a whisper.

Shepard dropped the heels to her side. When they collided with the carpet, the soft landing was almost deafening as it shattered through the silent tension that filled the air.

Her free hands reached up to slowly undo a couple of buttons on her blouse. Even if the room was a perfect cool temperature, it had no way of containing the searing sensation that now trickled down her collarbone and in between her breasts.  

Garrus took in a deep breath and watched the movement of her arms. Her hands were mysteriously out of his sight but the loosening of her collar gave hint to what she was doing.

He reached for her and considered his options, not for his sake but for hers. Should he leave?

As she worked on the third button, a hand reached for her hair, undoing the tight bundle. The waves remained in a lumped state until she shook them free from the tangles. It was then a gloved hand sorted through the strands, playing with the curls and massaging her scalp. This intimate gesture had Shepard speechless, to which she regrettably allowed a moan to escape.

“What-”

“Shepard.” Garrus’ voice was strained this time, his sub-vocals vibrating. He sounded desperate, an emotion that Shepard had never anticipated from this man. Suddenly she felt his face press into the back of her neck as he brushed away the strands.

Another lustful sigh escaped her lips as he took in her scent, the tickling sensation of his hardened face had her desperate to make space between them, anxious for a little time to breathe, and more than anything, time to comprehend the sudden shift in the night.  Garrus sensed her separation and reached down to hold her hips in place. A hum had escaped that only worked Shepard’s body into overload. His voice always did have a mesmerizing quality to it.

“You know… _I could smell it on you_ …” Garrus breathed in hungrily as he continued to caress his face against the nape of her neck.

The car ride had been unbearable for Garrus. The scent of pheromones clouded the cab, and they were more intoxicating than any alcohol he’d consumed. The very idea of her arousal had him fighting his erection during the entirety of the drive.

“Umm…” Shepard could only mutter in concern before Garrus soothed her worries.

“ _The need for someone to satisfy that urge.”_ The pressure of his fingers on her hips increased, and it took everything in Garrus not to tear away those human clothes that served more as constraints.

Shepard’s mind didn’t form any coherent thoughts. It took her a moment to actually sort through what was said to her and when she snapped back and replayed his words, she was simply shocked at the idea.

Of course she had already eased into his grasp and allowed the careful contact that occurred a few moments ago, but continuing this possible act of physical exploration had her head spinning.

“I’m not sure if this is a good idea…" Shepard stilled Garrus’ motions. He stood with his head bent low, awaiting her explanation. “Don’t you think we might be letting the alcohol drive our decisions here?”

“Shepard, if this makes you feel uncomfortable I won’t continue, you have my word.” His vocals carried a pained expression but she felt the sincerity in the delivery.

Another dreadful pause caused Shepard’s nerves to work a weakness into her knees.

“But?” Shepard bravely confronted.

“But I’m… not opposed to the idea of falling into bed with you.”

“A night of release?” Shepard interjected, her tone a smooth sail of words that cut through the air like a blade. She felt a deep rumble of vocals at the nape of her neck; she suspected that very soon he would relinquish a primal snarl.

“I’m prepared to give you one night, Shepard, if that’s what you need.”

“Is this what _you_  need?” Shepard shivered as the question left her lips, her head tilted slightly, tempting the contact between her and the bowed turian.

Seconds passed before a sudden wetness was traced ever so carefully from her ear down to her neck. A breathless sigh escaped him as he quickly shifted Shepard around to face him. Garrus knelt down before her to better complement her height, and he continued to work his tongue along her flesh.

She was sensitive to the touch at first, having to bite back the playful laughter. He eventually found that perfect amount of pressure and devoted that attention over the course of her seduction.

The moan that left her lips this time was closer to a cry. Every whimper caused Garrus to growl, savoring every reaction from her.

After playfully drawing out her reactions, Garrus picked up Shepard with ease and guided her over to the bed. He gestured for her to bend before him at the edge of the mattress. Shepard had whined at the sudden break from contact but obliged to the new position.

She felt Garrus’ piercing eyes on her, and the thought had Shepard desperately rubbing her thighs together as the wetness began to escape her.

“If you don’t mind.” Garrus bunched her blouse upward and tugged at the pencil skirt. Shepard immediately consented and began to undress.

With every bit of skin revealed under her blouse, she could hear loud thumps of armor hitting the ground as Garrus removed them in a hurry.

She hesitated for only a moment before she took off the blouse entirely. The skirt was less tasking as she unzipped the tight clothing, and it rolled off her hips with ease. It landed softly on the ground, exposing her in her undergarments right in front of her partner. She never anticipated being in this situation with him, but the thought of experimenting made it that much more exciting.

There was a sharpness that suddenly came in contact with her spine. Garrus traced his exposed talons down to the dimples of her lower back. Both hands eventually wrapped around her hips, and he paused for a moment to admire the curve of her bottom.

A satisfied moan left Garrus as he once again tugged at the clothing that remained

Shepard took a little longer to brave a hand over to the clasp. She shielded her breasts with one hand as the bra came off gradually. Even when the sides of her breasts became exposed, he maintained self-control and continued to enjoy watching her strip.

As Shepard worked to remove the last piece of fabric, Garrus hooked his talons to the sides of her underwear, assisting her slowly with the strip. The only thing Shepard could hide from him now was the dramatic change in color that painted her face. 

Garrus couldn’t wait out another second and brought his tongue against the back of her neck once more and worked it roughly down her spine. 

He was pressed against her this time, and she felt his rough flesh lightly scraping her skin. More notable was his member, out of sight but exposed fully for her, rubbing against her as he continued to lap his tongue on her back.

In between gasps, Shepard finally spoke:

“Do you know what you’re doing?” _‘Cause I’ve never been with a man of another species_. Shepard peeked breathlessly at the turian posted behind her.

“Does this not feel good?” Garrus revealed a flash of worry across his face. Shepard felt a pang of guilt as she regretted making him feel self-conscious. All thoughts of regret however melted away as he then continued to send waves of suckles and licks along her skin.

Shepard gave a whimper at his touch before responding. “It feels…amazing.” Garrus gave a satisfied laugh after her response. 

She could feel him stand up again, the talons working around to her stomach to pull her in close.

If she felt hot, she couldn’t imagine how Garrus could tolerate the burning sensation he was in. The contact with him was scorching compared to her heat.

“I admit, I have done my own sort of research. Vids to be precise.”

“Have a thing for humans, Garrus?” Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him as she peeked over once again.

“ _Human_.” Garrus whispered. He watched as the woman before him arched her back seductively. She eagerly waited for his touch again, but had not revealed any true reaction to his comment. She hadn't heard him and Garrus was rather grateful to at least take back and keep one precious secret sealed away.  

Shepard couldn’t keep her sights towards the sheets anymore and decided to move around to face him. He watched her shift underneath him with amusement in his eyes.

Without a word and with a slight struggle she reached up and brought Garrus’ face down. A gentle kiss was planted, one that changed that air of confidence he had into one of pure shock and nerves. She figured kissing wasn’t exactly a common practice among his species, but she would teach him anyways.

She parted her lips, and her tongue began to trace around his mouth. The wet contact made Garrus tremble, but soon he opened to reciprocate. Shepard took him in deeply, his long tongue traced and twirled around hers. The embrace lasted a couple of minutes before they finally separated, panting for lost air.

She took a good look at him this time. He was indeed stripped down to nothing and Shepard was speechless at the sight before her. She outlined his muscular physic and put to mind the unique physical features of his body. Shepard gave a satisfied smirk as she confirmed how Garrus for once had removed his visor.

Shepard was tempted to look down but was met with protest as Garrus brought her gaze up with his grasp. His mandibles moved slightly, and his eyes peered to a corner of the room. He revealed a much shyer nature.

He faced her again, blue spheres burned into her and it was a yearning she had never felt before.

Soon the contact broke as he moved his sights to her breasts. There was another round of humming vocals as he worked his tongue on the mounds. The wet contact allowed the soft buds to harden. Garrus gave a slight grin at the sight and took a nipple in between his teeth.

“Garrus, oh god!” She placed her hands on his fringe and worked to steady herself as his long tongue worked whimpers and aches with every tense swipe of his tongue.

Shepard was so incredibly wrapped up in his force that she suspected she wouldn’t have a chance to reciprocate.

Garrus met her at eye level and flicked his tongue against her lips. A satisfied smile spread across, and she opened up once more to taste him.

Garrus separated and re positioned himself comfortably between her spreading legs. His positioning descended lower and lower until he was in full view of her sex. Shepard brought her hand down to shield herself from his view, but Garrus gently released her grasp and nuzzled between her thighs. Every now and then he brought his mouth over to a thigh and gently nipped at the skin.The sharp pricks of his teeth caused Shepard to cry out but it only served to fuel Garrus’ thirst. He made sure to catch Shepard’s eyes as he licked his mouth eagerly.

She whimpered as the turian between her legs worked his tongue in her folds. Her thighs clenched around his head as she fought the sensitive workings on her clit. The length of his tongue worked wonders as he sucked deeply, every now and then giving a long and generous lick on her nub.

Shepard didn’t know if she could last much longer. Before she could release, Garrus took another opportunity to bite at her flesh, this time with a little more force.

She guided his head back to her clit, to which he obediently served in her pleasure. The woman before him bit down a scream as he brought her to her finish.

Garrus gave her a moment to catch her breath, and in doing so he took the opportunity to brush his face against her cheek. It was a sweet gesture that Shepard repaid with a heavenly kiss against his mandibles, causing the release of an endearing purr.

This time Shepard refused to take all forms of one-sided pleasure and switched positions on Garrus. His eyes grew wide as she took control and rocked herself on top of him.

She shuffled her way down and was finally able to survey all of him. His plates were completely parted, revealing the well-endowed turian before her.

Garrus watched as Shepard brought her lips down and wrapped them around his large cock.

“This…is new.” Garrus couldn’t contain the animalistic noises that left him. Her lips were so incredibly moist and soft. The pressure she worked on him was beyond expectation.

Shepard did her best to take all of him in her mouth, but his length proved to be a challenge. What she couldn’t take fully, she worked her lips over every inch, sucking while working her hand up and down the shaft. She bobbed her mouth on his head and worked back down to a tense motion that sent Garrus into a moaning and trembling fit. She had found some set of sensitive nerves that she took advantage of, and she hungrily sucked him into a submissive state.

Sensing his end, Shepard continued the same motions to help him on, however he placed a hand under her chin, allowing her to stop her motions.

“Come here.” Garrus watched as Shepard’s breasts shook gently as she traveled back to eye level.

Her hand found his cock again and she massaged it gently. Shepard tested his length, and soon brought herself down on him.

Both lovers gasped in pleasure as Shepard’s tight walls worked to surround Garrus. She couldn’t help but whimper in pain as he continued to work his way inside.

“Christ, Garrus. Are turian men usual this big?” Shepard couldn’t contain the question any longer.

A smirk was evident as Garrus tiled his head down to capture a view of her descending onto his member.

“Are human women usually this tight?” His growl this time was faint as he felt winded from the contact, even so his hands met her hips to assist in her penetration.

The two finally worked a motion and Garrus drove into her as she bounced above him. Even as the woman above him worked her aching hips endlessly for him, drenching in perspiration, Garrus couldn’t help but note how graceful she appeared.

His tongue found hers again as he sat up. Seizing this opportunity, he rolled her body under his. The penetration this time was evidently more painful, but all the cries that escaped Shepard were desperate pleas.

“Harder” she whimpered. The sudden command switched something in Garrus and he turned his passionate motions into ones fueled by a ravenous state.

He obeyed and thrusted deep within her, the walls incredibly slick with her pleasure and yet still unbelievably tight around him.

His talons worked on every inch of skin, each swipe leaving a scratch on her delicate flesh. A few scattered around her hips and around her breasts drew blood. The flash of trickling red brought Garrus back from his lust and he slowed at the sight of the tiny injuries.

“Don’t stop.” Shepard begged and brought her hips upward to drive his member back inside her again.

“Jane…”

He spoke her name for the first time. His concern was still evident as the thrusts he worked into her were still considerate and gentle.

Hearing her name being spoken in that sultry tone of his quickened her heart beat. She shivered at the thought of hearing it again; she yearned for it.

Shepard wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and urged his motions in deeper.

The sight of his moaning and caving in to her will had Shepard almost at the edge again. He wildly pushed into her as she grasped at a hand and seductively swiped her tongue across the talon, tempting the danger. He then sealed that hand around her arm, trapping her in place as he continued his relentless motions.

Both partners were drenched in endless sweat, and they were joined in a dance of twisted limbs, biting, and gasps of absolute and thrilling pleasure.

Garrus urged her onto her hands and knees, where he relished the sight before him as she submitted to his urges. He drove into her from behind, once again placing bite marks wherever his teeth found flesh. If a mark was too harsh in the moment of passion, he soothed the small punctures with a swift motion of his tongue.

Although they worked every angle they could, Garrus seemed to react more vocally as Shepard returned to her seated position above him where he could drink in her full figure.

Another pleasant surprise ensued as she bent down to lap her tongue around his neck. She tested him at first but soon left her own traces of bite marks, although none too strong or too painful.

Both warriors continued on and fought through every bit of stamina they could muster. They were absolutely wild in their mating and neither could see the end as they challenged the marathon of the thrill.

The day cycle spilled into the blinds of the sole window of the hotel room, but even so both Shepard and Garrus continued in their embrace, once again with his body on top and hers pinned down before him. 

As Shepard planted her sore lips on his mouth, Garrus slowed his motion. They worked in unison, both finding that tender spot and working it through. Shepard was taking him in completely down to his plates. Even as his cock disappeared completely with every thrust, he continued to breathlessly express disbelief for her tightness.

Their speed increased as their nerves collided and sent shocks to their cores. Eventually the pace they had set grew uneven as Garrus moved faster than Shepard could rock her hips. He lifted one of her legs and maintained his rapid and desperate thrusts. In that moment, Shepard felt herself slip away.

“I’m coming,” she yelled this time as she lost control of her limbs. The shock was overwhelming and yet sensational.

Garrus kept his pace steady for her; no interruption would break through her high. The sight of her swollen breasts shaking as she rode out her orgasm was edging him closer. She started to cry his name out over and over, each time with more longing.

Garrus watched as her hazel eyes caught his blue, a craving saved only for him.

As he felt his end near, Garrus bent down for another embrace of the human kiss.

With every increase of his relentless pounding, she could feel that his movements would soon come to a halt.

Garrus looked to her expectantly and was met with a nod of approval. He relinquished all control as he spilled into her. An exasperated huff left him as he struggled to remain balanced above her.

Shepard remained still, breathing heavily as she watched Garrus pump into her. A sense of proud accomplishment clouded her thoughts as she laid breathless beneath his large stature, enjoying the sensation of his pulsating release.

Garrus let out a satisfied moan before he finally pulled out and rested by her side.

The room had become still and cold with the sudden silence between the pair. Shepard couldn’t help but fear that Garrus had gathered all of his senses again, and would soon express regret for the actions that had unfolded.

Instead, Garrus turned to his side and reached out for her chin. He turned her distracted gaze towards him and watched as she gave him a content smile.

The cold hard plates of his mouth made contact with her cherry flushed lips, and she sweetly returned the simple peck he attempted.

A surge of amenity towards Garrus had encouraged Shepard to scoot her exhausted body closer to his.

At first there was a confused struggle as she attempted to lift his arms; he had repeatedly asked what she was up to until the exhausted woman finally worked her arms around his torso and a leg around his hip. With delicate maneuvering, Garrus closed his arms around her and allowed her to snuggle in his guard.

Shepard wished for sweet dreams once again, and soon succumbed to both the exhaustion and that gentle rhythm of Garrus’ steady breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear me, what have I done? Either way, it's here! Next chapter is in the works.


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard didn’t know what to expect when it was time to wake. Her previous one night stand experiences with men were often not met with movie romantic encounters the next day, and she wouldn’t hold Garrus to any fantasy expectation either.

Her heavy lids finally allowed the light of mid-day to stir her awake. She was facing the window, and she realized she was dangerously close to falling off the edge of the bed.  The gooseflesh on her legs perked up as she felt a slight chill, evidently she was left with only enough covers to drape over her hips and her upper thighs. When she took a peek over at Garrus, he himself had kicked off his portion of the covers, and he was trapped along the edge as well. Shepard hoped that he was simply trying to leave her enough room, but she also feared the possibility that he had to deal with her being a bed hog.

Realizing her human state of bed head and breath, she slowly made her way to the washroom, and prepared for the inevitable greetings that would make or break their friendship.

Garrus appeared to still be in deep sleep, but the sounds of running water sent him into a shuffling state, he struggled to pull the covers up and angrily shielded his eyes from the light. After a moment of fighting drowsiness, his head perked up in search of Shepard. Her figure became visible as she strode back and forth in the room retrieving pieces of her clothing.

He kept silent and watched her every move, curious to see her half naked body in the natural light. Her light brown skin glistened from being fresh out of the shower; he now realized where the source of her subtle but sweet floral scent had come from. He was never one to time his showers when Shepard was washing, but his curiosity had been satisfied when she was pinned beneath him; a beautiful and sweaty mess.  A soft sigh of disappointment left him as he watched her retrieve a bra and proceeded the ritual of covering up that body he had come to admire during the night.

Her next plan of action took him by surprise as she worked tediously to present his armor in an organized pattern for him. As always, she was mindful of every detail. Whatever her hands worked on, she never neglected to present it in the best form possible. He suspected that it was one of the many traits that had led Shepard to the ongoing success in her career. But now watching how she even applied that care in her home life, Garrus couldn’t help but consider it almost cute for a human.

When she finished her quick clean up, she peered over at him only to catch his soft gaze.

“You’re awake,” she hesitated at first, but when she spoke it was gleeful enough that Garrus couldn’t help but ease up and smile along with her.

“Not every day that I get to wake up to the sights of half-naked human woman, and most certainly not to one that I call _Commander_.”

“I mean _Commander_ is just one of many names you had for me last night.” Shepard teased before slipping on a pair of jeans. If Garrus could visibly blush, Shepard had suspected she witnessed it by the sudden coughing fit that followed her comment.

“And you loved every word.”  Garrus regained his confident air and shot back playfully. Shepard turned to hide her grin before returning her sights to him.

“I did.” Shepard walked over and towered over Garrus who laid out comfortably with his hands behind his head. She knelt down before him to which he turned to his side and waited for her next move.

“How are you feeling?” She laid her arms crossed at the edge and bent her head down, studying Garrus.

“Surprisingly energized after a night like that. What about you?” This time Garrus studied her and observed her revealed skin. He breathed a sigh of relief as he could barely notice any visible marks. He was afraid he had taken it too far. He was also mindful of not leaving a certain signature mark reserved for turian mates.

“I feel great. Better…actually. I am a bit sore and chafed though.” Shepard gave a glance down at her thighs. Garrus grimaced as he realized at the possible damage his plates might have inflicted during their mating. He brought a hand out and massaged the side of her cheek.

“So I did hurt you? I’m…so sorry Shepard.”

“It’s not too painful. I’ve applied medi-gel to all the right spots.” Shepard watched as Garrus caressed her cheek in concern. She took hold of his hand and patted it.

Sensing his concern she continued. “I’m fine, Garrus. Promise.”

Garrus could only give a slight smile. They remained in silence before Garrus finally spoke again.

“So I guess we have to address that elephant in this room, is that how you humans express it?”

It was close enough, and Shepard nodded and waited for Garrus to continue.

“Where does this leave _us_?”

Shepard gave a quick chuckle. “Well it depends on the company I’m with, _so you tell me_.” Shepard shot his words back with a sultry tone and stood up, awaiting Garrus’ answer.

“It’s nice to have found a new talent of the famous Commander Shepard, but if were to be honest, I’d like us to remain friends.” _A straight up lie_. Of course Garrus wanted more, but to his knowledge, so did someone else. Garrus gave a hum that signified guilt. On top of all that, he knew they had a job to prioritize.

Garrus watched as Shepard hardly gave any expression to help him understand how she felt. She only bit down on her lip, perhaps in thought. He too began to lose himself in thought.

He remembered that scent that surrounded her, that intoxicating scent that pulled him in; he couldn’t believe how he bent under its will so easily. His original plan was simply to help her to the hotel, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.

There was indeed something that had been bothering Garrus for a while, only to find that there was always a bit of nervous fidgeting he would do around Shepard. After realizing this, he worked on his confidence and it always paid off when she would laugh at his jokes and participate in his banter, but that tantalizing air that surrounded her, he couldn’t help but let his guard down to it.

He was especially drawn to her when he had first held her in his arms; he was so paranoid about hurting or waking her that he felt as if he were transporting a priceless artifact through a mine field. To make matters worse, when she curled her arms around him in her sleep, Garrus could barely fight that pressure building in his plates. 

He had even approached Joker on the subject. No names were given of course, but Joker had at least the hint of Garrus’ curiosity towards inter-species relations. Joker teased about resorting to vids on the extranet, to which Garrus took seriously.

The result was shocking. Garrus was disgusted. He had a suspicion that more than likely he found poor quality vids, but even then, he wouldn’t know what exactly separates these particular vids from good quality ones.

He cringed and mostly loathed at how the men were so vocal during the act, and even the person filming would sometimes interject with vomit inducing comments. At least the women seemed appealing enough. Eventually, he took to reading about the subject since he could no longer stomach some of the extreme acts that were displayed before him.

In the end, it seemed to have paid off. Garrus thought of Shepard’s flushed body once again until that sound of her voice interrupted his thoughts.

“I appreciate the honesty, Garrus.” Shepard gave a respectful nod and quietly admitted to herself that starting something based off of sex was probably not the best way.

She felt her shoulders slump in relief. Although she couldn’t help but shoot an accusatory look at Garrus after he turned to ready himself from the bed. She had a great time but the night before replayed in her mind. On more than one occasion, she found herself reliving moments that were quite intimate, more so than a simple friends with benefits would allow. But all she could do was shake it off and continue to get ready.

***

Of all the things to occur, this was one Shepard did not welcome. It was a meeting with the council. Of course since they remained on shore leave for another day, she shouldn’t have been surprised to see her omni-tool light up with the message.

When she arrived at the Citadel tower, she saw that Captain Anderson was present, ever so formal with his hands folded behind his back. When he saw Shepard arrive, his composure relaxed and he reached out for a quick handshake.

“Welcome back Shepard.”

“Nice to see you, sir. I hope there hasn’t been too much trouble since my departure.”

“It should come as to no surprise that the most heartache I’ve received is straight from the Ambassador.”

“Does Udina have a day where he isn’t complaining?” Shepard spat with a look of disgust.

“Well I’m sure those days would be less if it weren’t for a newly appointed Spectre who questions his every word.”

“Just trying to help humble the Ambassador, sir.”

“It’s going to take more than words for that to work,” Anderson whispered, giving a quick wink at Shepard before turning his attention to the three figures standing before them as they made their arrival.

“Captain Anderson… Spectre.” Sparatus spoke plainly and hardly gave a committed glance to the pair. Instead he turned towards Tevos and Valern.

“Commander, we have asked to meet with you today because we wish to pass on a mission we find a priority.” Tevos punched a few commands into her omni-tool which allowed for information to pass along to Shepard and Anderson. As they briefly looked over their omni-tools, Valern took it upon himself to speak.

“We’ve received a distress call from a reconnaissance team back on Virmire. We understand there are other clues you wish to follow, especially with your successful missions back on Noveria and Feros, but it seems that this team has acquired valuable information regarding Saren.” Valern spoke proudly, and Shepard suspected that the team was in his favor; most likely Salarian.

“We fear that they may be in danger. We need you to meet with the team on Virmire and provide support wherever needed. If all goes well, I feel you may very soon finally have Saren in your grasp.” Sparatus concluded with a hint of disappointment laced like venom on his words. It would be awhile before the council could make the bitter taste of betrayal disappear.

“Understood Councilor.”

Anderson and Shepard departed from the Citadel tower and briefly recapped the mission.

“Did they really have to summon us for this?”

“All formalities. Plus you’re actually here in person; why not check up on the new Spectre?”

“Looks like I’ll have to take my vacations elsewhere.”

“But then I wouldn’t be able to see the one person keeping me sane.” Anderson gripped at her shoulder and gave an endearing chuckle.

“Of course. You sure you don’t want to come along? This could be your only chance to finally bring in the one person who was hell-bent on tainting your reputation.”

“The opportunity of lifetime, Shepard. Unfortunately, Saren has pushed this passed personal. He is endangering millions of lives- perhaps trillions. I see no one else fit for the job, and you don’t need an old man slowing you down.”

Shepard sighed. Anderson released his grip and folded his arms in consideration.

“You’ve got this, Shepard.”

It was all he ever had to say. The fact that it came from David Anderson was always enough for Shepard to feel re energized and ready to work, and this time was no different. She took hold of his hand and smiled before saluting the Captain.

“I won’t fail you.”

“I know you won’t. Now go brief your team. Message me if any new problems prove to be too much.”

“Will do.” Shepard took slow steps away from the Captain; her heart always sank as she was forced to depart from him.

David Anderson watched and wiped a sweat from his brow. For a moment he had to fight the trembling in his hands. He didn’t doubt her, but he knew she would give up her life to see any mission complete. He just hoped that she understood how much he saw her as a daughter; enough for her to understand that family was more than worth the fight to stay alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this chapter is shorter, I am set on releasing the next chapter this weekend. Love you all, thanks for sticking with me.


	6. Chapter 6

The crew began to shuffle into the ship appearing rested, their faces less wrinkled with stress. Shepard’s main team had already took their positions, and so Kaidan had his sights on the bridge where he could greet his friend.

Joker who was up and ready before everyone, was sitting in a slouched position. A simple greeting was exchanged and Kaidan took his seat, watching Joker calmly.

While Kaidan noted the light and carefree mood that the rest of the crew had, he noticed how Joker had quite the opposite demeanor.

Joker sat with his face planted in his palm. After a long groan he sat up and carefully stretched his aching limbs. Another whine escaped before he turned to Kaidan.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” 

“Ask what?”  Kaidan had a little smug smile as he questioned Joker. Joker rolled his eyes, not intentionally at Kaidan but rather at the story that was playing in his mind.

“Ask how my break went?”

“Okay. How did your break go?”

“It was terrible.” Joker practically yelled, causing Kaidan to peek over his shoulder for any curious listeners. 

“Wrex decided it would be good for me to go out and hang with him and some random mercs he’s ‘buddy buddy’ with.”

“Do any of you have the patience for each other?”

“That’s what I said. But you noticed he’s a little more cheery right? Well, at least for a Krogan sort of definition of cheery-anyways they immediately wanted me to join in on these drinking games.”

“And then the shit they give me… I still don’t know what the hell that was! I’m afraid of what’s going to come out of me. But as we’re taking these shots, some other beefy macho man steps up and starts accusing the group of hogging one of the girls-“

“-Woah woah, one of the girls? You paid a little visit to Chora’s Den?”

“I mean, that part wasn’t really on my list of complaints.”

“Sorry, just…continue please.”

“Okay so Mr. Beefy starts shoving one of Wrex’s buds, so he does what any normal Krogan would do and pulls out his shotgun. And it’s just- _oh great, just brilliant we got ourselves an old Wild West standoff over here_.  So I had to spend a good while talking everyone down from killing each other, but mainly so they wouldn’t kill ME.”

“You’re all in one piece, looks like you did well.”

“Yeah barely. Mr. Beefy would have made me into saw dust if Wrex didn’t have his gun pressed against the guy’s chest.”

“How did you convince them?”

“Can you believe it? All it took for everyone to finally cool off was for me to say the name _Commander Shepard_ and the guy gets all starry eyed and backs off asking me to get him an autograph.”

This time Kaidan couldn’t hold back the laughter and it was all Joker needed for his cheeks to sting red, to which he was grateful for its lack of visibility under his beard. But as he saw Kaidan losing himself to the laughter, he felt himself let go as well and joined in.

“So was that it? You save the day so that makes it a terrible break?”

“No. All of that was the day before. Wrex made me go out again last night, and I still haven’t recovered from the last hangover.”

“Well bud, I’d say you probably should have kept that to yourself seeing how you’re our pilot and all.”

“I think the best pilot in the galaxy has it covered.” Joker pointed to himself and gave a smirk before cracking his knuckles, preparing for departure.

“Have you seen the Commander?” Kaidan finally asked.

“She’s in the comm room. She should be calling everyone over soon for the next mission.”

“Right then, see ya in a bit.”

Kaidan made a quick dash to the mess hall where he prepared two cups of coffee.

When he entered the comm room, Shepard was propped against a console looking down at her omni-tool as she reviewed the limited amount of details regarding Virmire.

“Figured you could use this.” Kaidan surprised her, but her moment of wide eyed shock diminished as she saw Kaidan holding her mug.

“Perfect. How was your break?” Shepard eagerly took a sip and looked to Kaidan.

“Pretty good actually. Ordered some room service; caught up on movies; got to soak up in the hot tub. Yeah, it was some long needed pampering. You?”

For a moment Shepard appeared to be startled as she choked on her coffee. When she regained her composure, she was able to comment. 

“I finally got to let loose and forget about everything that was going on.” And it was all Shepard was willing to say.

Kaidan didn’t feel like pressing into her business but he did notice that Shepard appeared less tense. The slight touch of pink to her cheeks had returned and the redness in her eyes was no longer there.

“Well you seem much more energetic. Glad to see that this little break has helped lift some spirits. Actually, Joker might have something different to say about that.”

“Yeah and it seems I have an autograph to sign too.”

“You heard?”

“Oh yeah, and Wrex gave me an earful on how his fun was spoiled since Joker didn’t let him shoot the guy.”

The two were in stitches; both Kaidan and Shepard could hardly keep from spilling their coffee.

Kaidan looked to Shepard who was still recovering from the story. Although he cherished those little moments in which he could expose that carefree side of hers, he knew that the switch would soon flip and she would be ready to get back to business. Therefore Kaidan took it upon himself to change the subject.

“If you don’t mind me asking, I heard the council asked for you. What did they have to say?”

“Well, it’s our next mission. We’re going to Virmire.”

“Never heard of the place.”

“Not many people have, which has me a little worried. Joker can you send everyone in here please?”

“Aye Aye.” Joker’s voice buzzed in confirmation.

“Is it another lead?”

“Seems like it. I just don’t like going in there with such little information.”

“Probably just some important data the Alliance and the council members want us to retrieve.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it. But the council did mention it could lead us to Saren.” Shepard began to cough again only this time she struggled to keep herself upright.

“You alright there, Shep?”

“Yeah, I’m just-” Shepard collapsed. Without a second thought, Kaidan crouched down to help her back up.

“Shepard? Joker, we need Dr. Chakwas in the comm room.” There was no answer.

Kaidan turned towards her as he tried to lift her up, but Shepard kept holding her position on the floor. Blood began to pour from her mouth as the coughing had evolved into suffocation.

“Shepard!” Kaidan wiped the blood from her mouth with his bare hand, but it kept spilling out.

“Oh my god, please Shepard, hold on.” Kaidan pleaded as he lifted her body up. But as he tried to make his exit for the med-bay, his legs began to feel heavier and heavier.

He eventually made it past the door but witnessed that there was no one in sight.

“Shit, where is everyone?” Kaidan made a turn and battled through every step, each time slowing down.

“Kaidan?” Shepard finally spoke.

“Shep, I’m going to get you help-”

“-Kaidan…you need to hold on.”

“What?”

“You need to hold on. D-don’t you dare give up.”

“Shepard what are you saying? Don’t talk.”

Shepard began to yell as she brought forth a biotic charge. The sight of blue began to surround her body and it evolved into a blast that threw them from their position.

Kaidan was in a daze now, losing sight of Shepard. There was a thick fog that quickly surrounded him and it filled his lungs, a searing pain that sent him gasping for clean air.

When Kaidan observed the black mist that surrounded him, there was a sudden realization that it was in fact smoke that was clouding his lungs. After a few moments, the smoke cleared and he saw that he was no longer in the Normandy. A foreign noise distracted him, and he peered up and caught sight of a geth hopper high above, intent on descending down upon Kaidan’s limp body.

With a blast of his biotic force, the geth was sent clashing against a distant wall. A single shot followed from an unknown location, causing the geth to burst into pieces.

There were voices now, all screaming- communicating with each other. Once in a while he heard his name among the voices.

“Go! I’ll cover you, just get to him before _they_ do.” This voice sounded familiar, a pair of voices echoing into one. _Garrus_? Kaidan looked around for the familiar face.

“And Shepard?” The other voice called out.

“I’M NOT LETTING ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER.”

“WELL YOU BETTER BE QUICK ‘CAUSE SHE CAN’T HOLD HIM OFF MUCH LONGER.”

A loud and thunderous roar followed. The smoke at a distance cleared away for the force that was bursting through. The color red was flashing everywhere before Kaidan’s eyes. The sounds of shotgun blasts and struggling geth were loud and agonizing to Kaidan’s ears.

Kaidan shook away the former trance that pulled him from reality, and focused on the chaos surrounding him.

Suddenly a figure emerged, a hint of yellow appearing on the enemy’s black coating. Even at a distance, Kaidan could tell that it was giant. When it caught sight of the injured Lieutenant, Kaidan activated his barrier before the geth destroyer began raining its assault towards him.

Little by little his barrier began to weaken, but that roaring and intimidating red flash appeared once more and crashed into the geth before Kaidan could lose his hold against the destroyer.

Wrex was finally in full view as he now battled with pure Krogan strength, sending the geth down to the ground. But the destroyer sent a blast of carnage that forced Wrex into a dive for cover.

Kaidan saw an opening and sent a force that lifted the destroyer and once again it crashed down.

This time it was Kaidan who was firing away, working to weaken its shield. But he was hardly fit to keep a strong sense of his surroundings and didn’t notice another geth advancing a flanking maneuver.

And Just as Kaidan was about to turn his attention towards the second destroyer, Garrus from his hidden position of cover pulled its attention away, firing at will.

Kaidan turned back to aid Wrex, who was now on top of the original geth, tearing it limb from limb.

There was finally a clear path to Kaidan, allowing Wrex to charge at him.

“Got enough in you to get that barrier around us?” Wrex propped Kaidan under his massive arms and waited for another clearing.

Another team of geth appeared at a distance, but the deafening blasts from a fellow biotic was tearing through their forces. Every now and then a flying figure would appear from the sky and would aim its fire towards this single soldier, preventing them from clearing all of the geth.

Kaidan regained his breath and put all of his strength into preparing the barrier that would protect him and Wrex.

“Ready when you are.” Kaidan yelled; a spark of energy had returned. 

“Wrex, hurry.” A static voice rang in Kaidan’s ear.

“Shut it Vakarian, we’re going.” Wrex growled.

Kaidan’s barrier shielded them from the oncoming fire that continued to pierce through.

Another important piece of information came back to Kaidan, which brought about panic.

“We need to protect the bomb.”

“You did your job, we need to get off before it goes off.” Wrex pulled Kaidan over his shoulders this time, picking up speed and desperately running to dodge the overwhelming shots. Finally, Wrex plopped Kaidan down to the ground once they reached the position of cover where Garrus was waiting.

Garrus reloaded quickly and shot at the flying figure that was still concentrating its attack on the biotic.

“Shit, Wrex…”

Without further instruction, Wrex sent his own devastating blast of carnage that forced the figure to land and attempt to recover.

Suddenly, Kaidan could see the shape of the menacing figure- a turian who now held the biotic soldier in his grasps, their claws cutting the soft skin of their throat.

“Shepard.” Kaidan called out.

Saren was talking to her, but the team could not hear the exchange. It was here Kaidan recognized Shepard’s bloodied lips, her battered face, and her struggle to breathe.

“I’m going after her.” Garrus decided with a growl.

“He’ll kill her if we get too close.” Wrex countered.

“HE’S KILLING HER ALREADY.” Kaidan pleaded.

It was then Shepard took hold of Saren’s wrists and fought to loosen his claws from her throat. And when she felt one precious intake of breath fill her lungs, she spat the blood that crowded her mouth, and grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued! I hope the transition wasn't too jarring.
> 
> Edit: Just wanted to give a quick update to state that I haven't abandoned this work. So I apologize for the delays but my schedule has been hectic and I'm trying to work to bring you that best quality I can. I have much to learn, but I appreciate anyone still sticking with this story and are patient for future chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

There was a paralyzing silence that filled the air. Garrus, Kaidan, and Wrex were keeping watch over Shepard, their bodies fidgeting- desperate to make a break for the Commander. But even then, they kept their positions, picking off random targets as they continued to argue with each other. 

But as they saw Shepard continue to struggle under Saren’s wrath, they couldn’t help but resort to the _fuck it_ mentality, and began to abandon their posts. They charged in, their outward appearance portraying anger, but their hearts filled with panic as time was running out.  

Kaidan regretfully stayed behind, but was intent on protecting his friends' backs as they raced towards the Commander.

The final troops of geth had finally found their demise as Kaidan picked them off, and a few stragglers were left in the merciless path of the other two warriors. And just as soon as they were ready to lunge and shred Saren into pieces, they saw the Commander land a powerful blow that struck against the rogue Spectre’s jaw.

Saren had been caught off guard, and in his momentary shock, he had mistakenly allowed Shepard enough space to deliver a biotic fueled strike with her fist.

Garrus and Wrex hesitated for a moment as they approached the pair. Something had stopped them in their tracks.

At a distance, Kaidan kept watch, lining up a shot. However, as he saw his partners at a standstill, he couldn’t help that dreadful and irritating patience take over. He too watched in a state of confusion, wondering if they perhaps were caught by Saren’s manipulative mind games- perhaps he was succeeding in enforcing the use of Shepard as a hostage. In his scope, he witnessed as Shepard was no longer out of breath, and her face no longer contorted with pain. No, she was defiant and filled with absolute rage. He witnessed a woman ready to lose control. The redness around her neck remained, but it seemed to have traveled to her dark eyes. And Kaidan truthfully thought that this war would end in this very moment. The battle for the Conduit, would come to a halt.

However, his assumption was put to rest as Shepard was suddenly no longer visible with hatred. Her face smoothed into a calm manner, and her posture was no longer the threatening force that could have very well ended Saren in that moment. Now she just looked distressed.

Wrex finally spoke.

“Shepard, we don’t have time for this shit. He goes down now, dead or alive, we are finishing this. I will not repeat myself, not after knowing what he could have done to my people had he succeeded in curing them, just to enslave them to his sick cause.’”

Shepard didn’t respond, but she gave a slight nod to give Wrex some sort of acknowledgment. She then knelt down before Saren who was positioned in his crouched state after the injury he received to his face.

“Saren…can’t you see? Sovereign is only using you until it gets what it needs. You said so yourself; Sovereign is only capable of thinking as a machine, and it will terminate you once you’ve expired your use. You’re _indoctrinated_.”

“Sovereign needs me.” Saren spoke dryly as he held his gaze with Shepard’s. There was complete denial over the manipulation he had been subjected to. Even then, it seemed as though he was tempting another physical challenge, but Shepard raised a finger as if to warn him, and then signaled to the two behind him who already had their weapons pointed to the back of his head. Saren gave a slight glance behind him, now truly aware of his disadvantage.

“So, you're going to execute me like a dog, Shepard? What would the Council think?” He gave a low and raspy chuckle.

“As a Spectre, she could do _exactly that, and you know it_.” Garrus cut in.

“Of course. But it won't change a damn thing."

Shepard looked to the distance where the bomb taunted her; a dark image of destruction closing in.

“You know Shepard, I’m only doing what’s best for _us_. Organics will not survive what’s to come, and if we join them, well…I’d say it would be preferable compared to total extermination.”

“It’s never that easy. What’s the point of life without free will?” Shepard was about to continue but Saren continued to laugh.

“We can’t afford to let our emotions take control anymore. We no longer have that luxury. The Reapers will come for us, Shepard. You’ve seen the warnings. Now it’s time to pick sides.”

“Saren, please. Help us. Join us and we can figure out a solution to all of this. We can fight them together.”

“Shepard!” Both Wrex and Garrus yelled in unison, protesting at the possibility she was suggesting. Shepard glared at them, completely serious and completely dangerous.

“I… no longer believe that, Shepard.”  Saren arched a brow plate, waiting for Shepard to continue.

“You have served for so long, defending the council, and defending your people. You’ve sacrificed and you’ve made decisions that have been looked down upon- over and over again- but that never stopped you. _Free will_. You made those choices of your own accord. But you have to see now- you have to see that you are no longer in control.”

“Stop wasting your pathetic words on me-”

“-How have you not listened to yourself. A _Turian_ …a damned human-loathing Turian, ever so proud and insistent on how superior your species is. But you’re selling them out…your people!”

Shepard shook her head in disgust. Saren for once had no words. There was a flicker in his gaze. It appeared to be contemplation, and then as his mouth plates parted, as if to gasp for air- to gasp for clarity- and for a moment Saren seemed fully aware of his surroundings.

But that brief freedom came to a halt, the sound of the alarm blared and caused everyone to jolt in shock.

Saren snapped back to his ill-intent, and used this distraction to fire at the three who surrounded him.

Wrex, having his full barrier ready had not felt the effects that Shepard and Garrus dodged to avoid in a momentary panic. He seized this opportunity to charge at Saren. However Saren had already taken full advantage of their quick distractions. 

The group watched as Saren made his escape. He was but a distant figure, being flown away from the immediate danger.  

Shepard suddenly felt her limbs feel heavier. The pain around her neck became more apparent, and for a brief moment she thought she would lose the strength in her legs as well. When she looked to both Garrus and Wrex, she suddenly caught sight of Kaidan closing in on them. He had resorted to meeting them halfway; the panic on his face becoming clear as he inched closer and closer.

A sudden gust of wind beckoned the reunited group to the direction of the Normandy, as it appeared above them. Joker’s voice proved to be the best motivator as he snapped at the bewildered group, urging them to move their asses. Without responding, the group boarded, arms linked over shoulders, and every bit of strength left to support their injured friend.  

***

Shepard was hunched over, her face resting in her hands. She took a couple of deep breaths before looking down at the pale body before her.

A truly gut wrenching sight- that endearing touch of honey color lost to a deathly shade; hair disheveled; and her face was caked in a mess of brown and crimson.

Shepard would never get used to such sights. 

She reached out and moved a strand of hair away from Ash’s face. Her eyes then shamefully sought out Ash’s hand, and she reached down to grasp it tenderly.

For a moment she truly thought that she would feel that familiar and terrible chill. Instead, the dry skin in her grasp gave a slight warmth. Dr. Chakwas had suddenly placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder as she looked over her from behind.

“This isn’t her first hurdle against death, Shepard. As a sole survivor of her team on Eden Prime, I think you know better than anyone that she won’t give up. Now, why don’t you get some rest?”

Shepard rose, carefully releasing her hold on Ashley’s hand.  
“Let me know if her condition worsens.”

“I won’t let that happen.” Dr. Chakwas gave a reassuring smile before turning her attention back to Ashley.

Once Shepard returned to her quarters, she plopped down on her bed, absentminded and staring at the ceiling.

A gentle knock on her door caught her attention. With her permission, Kaidan entered.

Shepard sat up and watched as he struggled to inch closer to her.

“Shouldn’t you be resting, Kaidan?”

“I’m fine, Shep.” Shepard gave a slight scowl as she looked over his exposed skin; nothing but gauze and bruises.

“Sit.” Shepard patted the spot beside her.

“Thanks.” Kaidan took a few more painful steps until he reached the bed and sat beside her.

“Was there something you needed?” Shepard finally asked after a moment of silence.

“I came to ask _you_ that.”

“I’m…” Shepard dearly wished she could say she was fine. 

“Everyone is worried.”

“Are you not?”

“I believe in her strength. I also believe we have the best damn doctor in the galaxy.”

Shepard finally released a weak laugh, but it was enough to encourage Kaidan’s radiant smile.

“Oh man…I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”

“Like what?”

“I should be the one paying everyone a visit. Making sure _all of you_ are okay.”

“There’s plenty of time for that. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself first.”

“How about you put that into practice, Alenko.”

“Hey, every little bit of walking I’m doing is good for me.”

“Ugh huh.” Shepard couldn't help the sarcasm. 

They grew silent. Shepard felt comfortable enough to wait for Kaidan to speak his mind. 

"I have to ask. What was with the delay back there? I saw less shooting and more talking than I care for.”

“You mean Saren?”

“What did he say?”

“I really tried, Kaidan. Something wasn’t right. He seemed less Turian and more synth compared to that last time I saw him during that meeting with the Council. Even so, I tried to get him on our side.”

“You what? What made you want to try? I mean…between you, Garrus, and Wrex, I really don’t think he had a chance. We could have finished it there.”

“It wouldn’t finish with him.”

“How so?”

Shepard began to fiddle with the fabric of her shirt, realizing that neither Garrus or Wrex had spoken of one specific and vital moment on Virmire.

“We spoke to a Reaper. At first, we suspected it was VI, but it confronted us. And it called itself Sovereign. It spoke of an unavoidable cycle, one that would wipe out the existence of organics.”

As Shepard briefed Kaidan on the exchange, she watched as he too began to lose that spark of energy he had. And seeing how his shoulders began to slump with the confirmation of an entity so much larger than any challenge they’ve faced before, well, Shepard felt guilty. And she knew she would have to share this with the whole crew. Morale would be hindered, and Shepard wasn’t sure how to approach the next step.

After a moment of consideration, Kaidan finally interjected.

“You're forgetting that we still have an edge.”

Shepard weakly met kaidan’s gaze.

“Liara.” Kaidan gave a reassuring nod.

“There’s a chance.” Shepard confirmed as she suddenly felt a new burst of confidence. She still had to meet Liara, who could hopefully decipher more of the visions now that she came across a new beacon on Virmire.

“I should go-”

“Easy there, Commander.” Kaidan grasped her hand and then cautiously let go as he realized what he had done. Shepard looked down but didn’t react harshly towards the sudden contact.

“I’m sure the Doc would want you to rest up a bit.” Kaidan stood up to excuse himself.

Shepard reached up and messaged her neck, still experiencing the slight ache that came from Saren’s hold.

“You're both right, of course.” Shepard said quietly and remained standing as Kaidan made his way to the door. 

“Wait.” Shepard suddenly urged.

Kaidan turned to face her.

“Just make sure you take care of yourself first next time.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“And thank you.” Shepard said a little more quietly.

That rare shake in her voice, that sort of gentleness Kaidan had yet grown accustomed to, it drove him mad. He was used to how loud a demanding she was on the field. And it seemed that every time she revealed that soft vulnerability, it only further challenged him. And he didn’t know how much longer he could take. He couldn’t stand keeping that professional distance from her. And after what everyone had gone through, he figured it was worth the risk, even for just a few precious moments.  Kaidan returned to her. In response Shepard stood a little timid as she was about to question his motives. 

Kaidan’s hand reached and cleared her face of a few loose strands. His hand then caressed her cheek, and Shepard instinctively took hold of it. She didn’t fight it. She treasured the warmth of his touch and was completely lost in his gentle gaze. But as she enjoyed the soft contact, she couldn’t help but remember a rougher embrace.

“I’ll always have your back, Shepard.” Kaidan said earnestly, before releasing his hold on her. 

With the door sliding shut with a quiet hiss, Shepard laid on her bed, her thoughts lost, and her heart confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I do have a much more active series on my profile, and so it was rough seeing how the chapters on this one had fallen behind. However, even though work has finally eased up on my end, I honestly had a hard time feeling confident over this chapter. Either way, it was time to bring it back!


	8. Chapter 8

Garrus had found himself unprepared. As he paced back and forth, he was tempted to test the strength of the Normandy walls as his fingers clenched deeply into a fist.

The job they all had- everyone knew the risk. Everyone indulged in the risk and the adventure. However, there was something so unsettling about Virmire. He loathed every minute of it.

He sorted through the moments that haunted his thoughts. Hearing in their ears, the sounds of Ashley sorting through her last words, struggling to find the quickest way to let her feelings be known, it was something that actually caused a tremble in his pace as he rushed at Shepard’s side. And in all that chaos, they also realized that Kaidan was struggling to fend off the geth at the sight of the bomb.

Shepard had backtracked as they were closer to him than Ashely, but she kept shouting- insisting that Ashley would be rescued, even if it killed Shepard. Garrus felt the truth in her words. He was grateful for that truth, except it bothered him. Of course, Joker being the best pilot- as he constantly reminds everyone- was able to prove it with Ashley’s rescue.

The next bit of anger that had set a fire in Garrus’ mind was seeing Shepard’s figure rushing Saren. She shouted orders for Kaidan’s rescue, but there she went, fearless in his eyes. He obeyed without protest, as did Wrex. _But there was fear_.

Fear possessed him as everything developed to a sudden halt when Shepard’s muscular figure was losing control, as Saren choked the life out of her.

Garrus found a spot behind the Mako, hidden from the crew and he plopped himself down on the ground. He was uncomfortable but he was at least trying to calm down.

Then those images began to emerge from his memory. The lasting impression she left on him. A night he wanted to forget for the sake of the job, but he couldn’t. He was in awe of the moment, and he regretfully kept a distance right after.

He wasn’t sure what exactly would be normal for a human, but he was curious to know what would be allowed after a night like that. Except he had confirmed for her that he wanted to preserve their friendship- and he did value her as a friend, but he couldn’t help that sigh when he realized he wouldn’t be able to hold her.

He’d watch her back, and that’s what he did best. Only this time…she just had to insist on going after Saren separately. He would have done the same but remembering that Shepard is a _human_ \- soft meat and no exoskeleton to protect such a vulnerable body- that fact just about sent him to hysterics.

All of the human ground team in danger in one day, and Garrus damned the gods for allowing his friends to have such soft bodies.

With that in mind, he rushed up and headed in the direction of Shepard’s quarters.

When he neared the area, he noticed Kaidan making his way to his work station, appearing a bit flustered. Garrus paid him a quick visit to confirm that he was doing well. Kaidan gave a grateful smile and insisted he needed to work a little to keep his mind at ease.

The exchange quickly ended as Garrus noticed Wrex marching over to Shepard’s room.

“Everything alright?”

“Huh? Oh yeah- just here to give Shepard a little reminder that she has able bodied soldiers with natural plates of armor at her disposal. We’re all tough sons of bitches but damned if I’ll ever get used to seeing how quick human lives can be at risk.”

Garrus gave a grateful laugh as he realized that his worries were not out of the ordinary. Suddenly, Shepard’s voice was heard from the other side of the door.

“You going to keep talking outside my room? Or you going to come in?” Garrus felt a little more at ease listening to her light hearted comment.

“No I think you got my message.” Wrex huffed and gave a smirk towards Garrus as he took his leave.

The doors suddenly opened and Shepard made a quick exit to yell after Wrex.

“Thanks for checking up on me!” She had a little teasing smile that Wrex took notice of as he looked over his shoulder. He all but gave a confirming wave as he then made a quick turn to Kaidan, intent on giving him the same message, and well-intended checkup.

“-Loud and clear, Wrex.” Kaidan’s soft spoken voice struggled nearby as Wrex continued to give him a lecture of sorts.

“You alright Garrus?” Garrus snapped back at attention from his distraction and gave a nervous cough.

“Just making the rounds as well…How are you, Shepard?”

“Much better, thanks to everyone. Just worried about Ashley.”

“It was close…Does Dr. Chakwas know for sure if she'll need to go to a hospital?”

“She hasn’t mentioned it, so I’m hoping it’s a lot less serious than we’re imagining.”

"I'll take every bit of good news that comes." Garrus fell quiet.

“Well I’ll get back to work…” Garrus didn’t feel entirely confident in toughing through the sudden silence that came between them.

“Did... you want to talk some more?” Shepard asked as she stepped to the side, inviting him in.

Garrus looked briefly into the room then back to Shepard.

“With your permission, Commander.” Garrus couldn’t help that hint of jest in his tone as he made his way past her.

As he passed her, the sudden closing distance between them was absolute agony. Garrus never imagined being driven crazy by a woman before. 

When he looked down at her, she returned a similar curious stare. Her face was flushed with either: exhaustion, nerves, or something else entirely. He couldn't help but catch the quick motion of her fingers scratching at her hair nervously. And seeing her this way, in a new sort of mess, with her red cheeks and awkward stance, Garrus knew he was in trouble.

She didn't do much, and he already felt he was at her mercy.


	9. Chapter 9

Both Garrus and Shepard released a sigh of relief when they heard the door slide shut behind them. However no amount of relief would rid the air of the lingering stress they both carried.

Garrus paced back and forth and all Shepard could do was watch her friend struggle to find the right words for her; and before they were spoken, she already suspected what they would be.

“Damnit, Shepard.” Garrus finally spoke and plopped down on the edge of her bed.

“Damnit indeed.” Shepard followed suit and climbed on to the bed and reached for a pillow. She crossed her legs and held the pillow firmly against her stomach so that she could feel a little more at ease.

Garrus wanted to yell at her, but he could never imagine criticizing her in that sort of fashion. Instead he decided to ease her as best as he knew how, although it wasn’t anything unique in comparison to anyone else who had checked up on her.

“How are you feeling?”

Shepard’s eyes grew wide with surprise as the critiques and anger didn’t flow from his mouth. She was ready to respond with “ _I’m doing better_ ; _I’m worried about Ash_ ,” but something stopped her. She resorted to pure honesty.

“I feel like shit.”

“I can imagine, after all, you did go after Saren without much of a plan for the rest of us.” As Garrus regrettably stated this fact, he could see the twinge of pain Shepard showed on her face as she listened to him.

Shepard remained silent. All she could do was replay Ash’s possible last words in her head: “It was an honor.” And all she could do was see Kaidan losing all hope as he collapsed on the field. And then that rage came to her, and all she could see was red surrounding a jarring flash of blue, purple, and silver. That menacing man, Saren…taunting her.

“I have no excuse. I needed to buy Kaidan time, and I needed to catch Saren.”

“Well we succeeded in one of those tasks, Shepard, but what made you consider even reaching out to Saren? _What were you thinking_?”

“You saw him struggle for a moment. In that moment, I just had _hope_. Hope that for once in all this, I didn’t have to look at him as an enemy but as a potential ally. A damn effective and successful Spectre on our side, rather than against us.”

“Shep-“

“I just…he was right too you know? The type of threat they bring. If the threat of the reapers is truly real, then we need all the help we can get.”

“You had time to tell Kaidan to hold on, Shepard, but you should have regrouped with us. We could’ve at least had a _smarter plan_ ; one that wouldn’t have him _touching you_.”

There was a slight snarl as Garrus got up from the bed in frustration.

“We can’t lose you.” Garrus felt his talons clench into a fist.

“Garrus, listen, in the best possible scenario we would have had the time to discuss a proper plan, but you were there. There was hardly any time, and yes I wasted it with Saren, but before all that… we had to fight. That’s all there was. We were outnumbered, and it was going to be a fight to the death no matter what. It was a high risk mission, but I trusted you all. _I trust you_.”

Garrus felt himself wanting to scream at her. It was all simply due to the fact that he almost lost his Commander. Instead he remained quiet. He contemplated his next words carefully and decided it was best not to argue anymore. After all, he chose to follow her, and he would do that to the end.

“I’m sorry, I just- I just didn’t think we would have the chance for this conversation. I’m grateful you are all still alive.” Garrus was still biting his words but he was overall sincere.

“And I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I put us all at risk.”

Garrus cleared his throat and gave a lighter response.

“Well, Shepard I’ll be honest, I’m…exhausted.”

“Rest up, Garrus.”

He walked to the door and gave a nod before he made his exit.

Shepard waited a couple of minutes before she laid on her side and curled up into a ball. It was then that she started to sob. Shepard did what she could to conceal the endless stream of tears but none of it would stop. Her chest burned and her throat dried as she continued to let out a relentless cry. 

                                                                                                                 ***

The headache that remained after her release was one that could be easily remedied with a shower and a cup of hot tea afterward. Shepard decided it was time to raise her spirits, and so she gathered her supplies and headed towards the showers.

She felt another bit of that dreadful guilt as she realized she hadn’t regrouped with everyone for a proper meeting, but she needed that bit of privacy that allowed her to distress.

The shower was a little too hot for comfort, but it soon became tolerable and she started to feel at ease once again. The sounds of footsteps were apparent here and there, and she was able to tell that there was at least two or three other crew members keeping silent company, but Shepard tuned them out with soft humming.

After about fifteen minutes, she felt ready to leave. As she turned off the shower, the sudden breeze of the cool air in the ship had encouraged her to rush back into her room, where she could warm up under the soft covers. When she stepped out she gave a little yelp as she bumped into a tall figure.

She was about to apologize when she peered up at Garrus who looked just as shocked as she was. Neither spoke a word. 

In the nick of time, Garrus rushed forward, hiding him and Shepard behind the curtains as he noted another random crew member making their entrance.

“Shepard is that you? You okay?” Towards the back of the room, a slightly concerned Joker was taking his shower, and had clearly heard Shepard’s shocked reaction.

Shepard was frozen stiff as she continued to stare at Garrus. With a lift of a finger to his mouth, Garrus gestured for her silence, but she soon snapped out of it and responded anyways.

“I’m good, just lost my balance.”

“You and me both.” Joker gave a quick chuckle but continued his shower in silence afterwards.

It was then that Shepard mouthed _what are you doing_? If he had the room, Garrus would have resorted to the usual pacing back and forth. But something overcame him and he quickly undressed and turned on the shower head.

Shepard lost a bit of her breath as he pressed hard against her, nuzzling his face against hers until his mouth matched her own. Shepard followed his lead and parted her lips for a deep and uncomfortable kiss. There was a desperation behind his motions. His sharp teeth grazed her gums every now and then, and with the dramatic height difference, both found themselves in an equally uncomfortable embrace as they continued to kiss.

Garrus held back a frustrated growl as he encouraged a leg over his hip. And with one over, he lifted her up with ease. Shepard suddenly felt that desperate adjustment as he reached down and maneuvered his erection until she felt him slip inside of her.

Shepard lost control for a moment and released a pained sigh. Garrus halted his movement and the pair looked at each other in concern and then peered around as if they were able to see if anyone was watching. Shepard suddenly held back a giggle, and Garrus responded with the sweet nuzzle of his nose against hers.

He started to thrust again, as slowly as he could until he had a steady motion that wasn’t too rough. Shepard held on to him tightly as he moved deep within her. She was feeling a little dazed with the heat of the water and his heat inside of her, and so she reached to her side and twisted the handle. The water cooled and it startled Garrus, who almost lost his grip on her. A devilish grin spread across her face as she teasingly pinched at Garrus’ cheek.

In response, Garrus became rougher with his thrusts, and Shepard was losing her will to remain silent. They tried their best to keep the sounds quiet but they found themselves having to pause and regain that slow and quiet rhythm. Garrus changed routine and nipped at her neck, moving and tracing playful bites down to her breasts. He worked lower to kneel down before her and gave a careful lap of his tongue on her clit. He then began to devote all pleasure to her and tasted her deeply. Shepard struggled to keep her balance as Garrus ate her out, and every stroke of his tongue made her long for verbal encouragement and praise. But she kept quiet with the bite of her finger.

A bit of panic reached her as she realized that someone would  be able to spot the extra pair of legs at the bottom of the curtains, but Garrus did not hesitate for a moment. As much as she wanted to get them to hide elsewhere, she was at his mercy as he was bringing her closer to her finish.

Shepard became desperate for privacy. She reached down and interrupted Garrus, lifting his chin up so that their eyes met. She gestured for them to leave, to which he complied. The shower went off once more, and Shepard waited for Garrus’ signal as he poked his head out, looking for a clear escape.

When all was well, they rushed out in a desperate panic, hoping they wouldn’t be spotted. With only one close call, they made it to her room.

Shepard was lifted up and plopped down on her back, and Garrus roughly removed the towel from her. Garrus hungrily lapped his tongue around her nipples, all while teasing her as he rubbed himself against her sensitive clit. Shepard let out a wonderful gasp as he entered her once more, refusing to hold back like he did in the shower. 

“I wasn’t finished.” Garrus huffed as he slowed down. He released his grasp on her and traveled down. Shepard released hums of pleasure as he did the same while eating her out; enjoying every bit of noise he caused her to relinquish to him. And Shepard wished this moment wouldn't end, when all worries escaped her and a sweet and safe environment had formed around her, where she could feel a sweet piece of normality, the normal thing a pair of consenting adults do on a weekend. The only worries that flooded their thoughts was how to please their partners. But when it did end, what she couldn’t express loudly in her release, she found herself losing all control of her limbs as her body shook in pleasure; the vibrations going down to her toes as they curled in.

Garrus was still hard and he wanted to continue, however Shepard had to pause for a moment.

“I’m… a bit sensitive.” She said timidly.

All Garrus could do was stroke her hair in comfort. “It’s okay…you’re okay so just relax.” And with that statement, she sought his comforting embrace to which he happily obliged. And they remained in each other’s arms, in absolute comfortable silence.

After a while, Shepard gave a quick scratch at her cheek and looked up at Garrus.

“You asleep?”

“Almost.”

“Sorry…go back to sleep.”

Garrus gave a soft purr and squeezed his arms around her tightly.

“Well I can’t.”

“What’s wrong?” Shepard sounded concerned but it only made Garrus laugh a little more.

“I… still need to take that shower.”

Shepard broke from his grip and grabbed a pillow. She playfully hit him with it and teasingly urged him to go.

“Aye, aye, Commander.”

“And hurry back.” Shepard laughed as Garrus rushed for his towel, making his exit.


End file.
